We all need mentors to grow and excel—even after reaching upper management. Yet, research at The Leader's Edge™ has indicated mentors often serve men better than women. This is because women regard their mentors as protective and supportive allies, while men use mentors more actively to gain visibility, promotions and choice assignments. We women need to rethink our “passive” use of mentoring relationships and decide how we can derive more value from mentors in terms of career advancement.

Generally speaking, the attributes and experience you need from a mentor at each stage of your career are:

Early Career Mentoring

What you need in a mentor: You need exposure to key players in the organization, advice on your business strategy, functional skills required for the future, and feedback on your personal style and communication.

What to look for in a mentor: Look for a senior person in the organization with successful job/career experience, excellent leadership skills and an effective communication style. He or she should be accessible and known for supporting younger professionals in the company.

Manager Level Mentoring

What you need from a mentor: You need opportunities for growth and exposure through projects, initiatives or consideration for open positions, increased understanding of the culture of the organization, and the political skills and key relationships required to advance.

What to look for in a mentor: Look for a senior executive who is supportive of other key managers, well-respected in the company, gives others the opportunity to learn, and is known to be politically astute.

Officer Level Mentoring

What you need from a mentor: You need information about what is really going on in the company, visibility at the top of the organization, and help with style issues that may be interfering with your success.

What to look for in a mentor: Look for a senior executive who champions people, has the ear of the CEO, will be direct and honest, and who manages an important strategic business area.

Top Executive Level Mentoring

What you need from a mentor: You need high-level support, good peer relationships, a person on the same wavelength as the CEO and aware of your successes and accomplishments.

What to look for in a mentor: Look for a senior decision-maker close to the CEO and the mission of the organization who is approachable and has a history of supporting the careers of key executives.

The Roles of Mentor and Mentee

Taking on the role of either mentor or mentee involves many challenges and responsibilities, as well as rewards. Being a mentee provides a unique opportunity to grow and learn from someone with greater and different experience than your own. You often forge a positive, long lasting relationship with your mentor. Here are some pointers to keep in mind for your role as a mentee.

5 Rules for a Mentee

1. Plan to call or visit your mentor at least every six weeks to keep the relationship fresh, unless the mentor is so senior that fewer meetings are appropriate.
2. Check in with her when one of her ideas or introductions has worked. Tell her what happened.
3. Don’t be concerned if your mentor doesn’t embody all the styles and behaviors you are trying to acquire. Take advantage of those she does offer.
4. If you see your mentor getting in trouble or sidelined in her career, be ready to rethink your strategy. Are you overly associated with her? Would it be wise to disengage?
5. Give permission for your mentor to be candid in giving you feedback on your style after a meeting, conference call or interaction. Don’t be defensive when you receive tough feedback!

Finding Your Ideal Mentor

When looking for a mentor, think about the qualities that make a good mentor, assess and prioritize your needs, review the potential candidates available to you and match your needs with them.

As you do the next exercises, keep in mind the key qualities for a mentor. Good mentors…

• give career advice and honest feedback
• possess corporate insights and are knowledgeable about market information
• have access to powerful people and can make introductions

What are the areas where you can benefit from a mentoring relationship? Looking at the list below, rank the top 5 areas where you need help, based on feedback you’ve received or areas in which you know you are weak. Start with #1 as the attribute you would be most interested in learning more about. On a separate piece of paper, write the top 5 attributes for your priority list.

Exercise #1: Identifying Attributes

• Political Savvy
• Presence & Style
• Leadership
• Communication Skills
• Power & Influence
• Negotiation Skills
• Sales Ability
• Career Management
• Functional Expertise (Finance, Marketing, Sales etc)
• Company Connections
• Outside Board Connections
• Industry Specialist
• Competitor Knowledge

Exercise #2: Key People I Know Who Have This Attribute
Now take the piece of paper with the 5 attributes. For each attribute, list 3 people you know who have mastered the attribute.

After reviewing the list, you should have an excellent idea of what you want and need from a mentor. Who on your list of possibilities has the key qualities of a good mentor? Now you’ll want to further fine-tune the possible candidates for the role. Based on all of the considerations we’ve discussed, put a star next to your top 3 mentor candidates.

Finding An Outside Mentor

What if you are unable to find a mentor inside your company? Perhaps you have looked for a mentor using the previous guidelines within your organization and have not found one. It could be that you want a woman mentor, and the candidate you’ve selected in your company is not available because she is overburdened with other mentees, or just too busy. The next step may be to look for a mentor outside your organization. There are several ways to tackle this:

• Think about people you’ve worked with, and for, at previous companies.
• Ask the mentor candidate in your company to suggest someone outside.
• Discuss the situation with your boss and ask for a referral.
• Ask a colleague at another company for a suggestion.
• Review possible candidates from the people you’ve met in your community work, professional associations, conferences and other activities.

Once again, follow the previous listing process to analyze your mentor choices.

Why Women Must Mentor

Mentoring is a must, though it requires time most women don’t feel they have. It is vital for senior women to mentor other women in order to build up the numbers of women in corporate America. Women need to have women mentors they can turn to for advice, counsel and encouragement—and who can provide critical connections within their organizations. This connectedness is an important element in the retention of women executives in corporations. In order to build the critical mass of women executives needed to impact the culture of companies, women who are higher on the organization chart, must make an effort to lend a hand to others.

One way to share your experiences with other women, without taking on too many mentees, is to say yes when asked to speak to women’s groups in your community. The connections you make by meeting people in such settings are helpful in several ways. And while enriching your audience, you improve your speaking and listening skills. Speaking to a group is not the same as one-on-one mentoring, but it’s a good way to touch your audience and pass on information and experience.

Mentoring is also a means to inspire other women by sharing your success, knowledge and wisdom. If you’ve made it to a top position, it’s hard to avoid being viewed as a role model by others. Take it for what it is—a great compliment. And though it may initially make you a bit uneasy—give it time and you’ll become comfortable in the role.

About the Authors

Molly Dickinson Shepard, President and CEO ofThe Leader’s Edge™, LLC, has more than 20 years experience in career counseling, leadership development, executive coaching and executive search.

Jane K. Stimmler is CEO of The Marketing Edge, a consulting firm specializing in marketing, advertising and public relations.

Molly D. Shepard with Jane K. Stimmler are the authors of Stop Whining and Start Winning: 8 Surefire Ways for Women to Thrive in Business, Plume (October 2005). For more information go to: www.startwinning.biz