Don’t Let This Happen To You
 
 
You can’t deny it, in a business environment, as you scan a room of new faces, you notice which are men and which are women. You can’t avoid this. Studies show that we have to decide which gender we’re looking at before we can do anything more. In the fraction of a second before logic sets in, your brain makes use of stereotypes stored there to make things easier for you. Sounds like a good thing? Not if that stereotype whispers to your brain, “She’s probably not important.” as you single out a woman. This certainly is an obstacle for women, but now that you know it, you can prepare ahead of time to deflect that stereotype as others scope you out and assess your worth from a first impression.
 
First off on that first impression, stand comfortably tall. Make eye contact and then smile. Be the first to extend your hand to shake hands, because men are sometimes confused as to whether we want to shake hands. Face the person directly—don’t angle away from them, this indicates a lack of power. Of course, you know to give a firm handshake and not one of those fingertip handshakes. You’re not a wimp—you’re important.
 
Now, what would you like to accomplish businesswise with this introduction? Are you proud of the position you currently have? Would you like to aim for something slightly higher and that’s why you’ve taken on an extra project? Here’s an example:
 
Hi, I’m Karen Johnston, Human Resources Specialist at G.E. I’m also interested in marketing so I’ve taken on a project in that area. And you are. . . ?
 
Would you like something in a different area? Well, work that into your introduction—ahead of time, while you’re still practicing. Here’s another example:
 
Hi, I’m Emily Harrison, Public Relations Assistant at HTC. I’ve been interested in marketing for quite some time, so I’ve been thinking of running a business in my off hours. Tell me about yourself.
 
You need to give the other person the information that, “Yes, you are an important person.” Think of it as the stripes on a military Captain’s uniform. Men want to know how many stripes you have! You also should plant the seed of what you’re aiming for. You never know who you’re going to run into who knows someone else who can help you. The important thing is not to ASK a person to do something for you. Let them think of what it might be and let them decide they want to help you. It’s a much better feeling for them and is not weighted with any sense of obligation to you.
 
Tip:  Now I’m optimistic that women are at the tipping point. Soon—hopefully, that’s not in geologic terms—when men meet women in a business setting, they won’t let the She’s Probably Not Important stereotype pop up. Meanwhile, we have to work with this obstacle and one more double standard that I’m sad to say I must tell you:  First Impressions Are Based On Achievement For Men—Appearance For Women. Lousy, itsn’t it? Well, along with your new introduction, use this information to your advantage. Be a little better groomed and dressed, and have a little better posture than the men and you’ll be off to a headstart. So, you know what that means for casual Fridays!
 
 
Further Reading:
 
WomensMedia, JoAnn Hines, First Impressions:  How to Make the Most of the First 30 Seconds
 
WomensMedia, Karen Steede Terry, Self-Employment:  Selling Yourself
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Tags: business, women, first, impressions, introduction, double, standard, stereotype,

Save Precious Time: Avoid Perfection
 
 
 
I like to include the latest research whenever I can so you’ll feel confident when you buck conventional wisdom. However, perfection is tough to measure. If you want the truth, you only have to ask yourself, “Am I guilty of thinking my work is not good enough because it’s not perfect?” Whenever you answer “yes,” I want to you put time above perfection on your priority list and take another look.
 
Sometimes that 3-page report is sufficient for the task and that 76-page rendition you could deliver would set you back in three ways. The first is that you would be using up time that could be put a high visibility or a high return item, such as acquiring a new client for your company. The second setback—which happens all too often to women—is that your company will assign this task to you permanently since they know no one else would want to do the next 76-pager. And the third setback is that higher up execs will think, “She’s one of those Busy Work Women.” That certainly creates an image, and it’s not the image you should be striving for.
 
Are you going to have a problem with this? I bet quite a few of you are. If so, do not under any circumstances, present the report with a disclaimer, such as, “I just didn’t have enough time to do a good job.” Chances are it was good enough. Chances are other employees would not have done a better job. Chances are after hearing your disclaimer, everyone will be looking for evidence of a lousy report. And what you look for, you usually find. So, instead, talk to your boss soon after the report has been assigned. Remind him, or her, of your other higher priority tasks and make it known that you’ll do a good job, but won’t sacrifice these other tasks. See if he approves. I bet he will and you will be off the self-imposed perfection hook.
 
 
Tip:  Once you’ve been labeled one of the Busy Work Women, it’s an uphill battle to transform others’ image of you to that of Executive Woman. It can be done—just as a fallen celebrity can sometimes recover—but it’s not easy. It would be easier for you to look into transferring to another department, or even better, to another company where you can do an excellent job on that Executive Woman first impression.
 
 
Further Reading:
 
WomensMedia, Lois Frankel, Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office
 
WomensMedia, Pat Heim with Susan Golant, Making the Most of Criticism and Praise
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Tags: business, women, perfection, working, time

Women Can Have It All
 
 
The news today:  You can successfully have both a career and a marriage. Remember how quickly newspapers were to report that a career and marriage don’t mix? If you waited to start your career before getting married, you had a good chance of ending up in the Spinster Category.
 
Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families, reports that marriage has changed more in the last 30 years than it did in the last 300. What are the facts now? It used to be that women believed if they didn’t get married early, they might miss the boat. In the 1950’s, the average age of marriage for women was 20, with the most women marrying at age 18. There were very few first marriages after age 24. Coontz states, “This is a different world than the 1950s. The average age at first marriage for women is now almost 26. For women with a B.A. it is more than 27, and for women with master’s or professional degrees it is 30. And there is huge variation within each average, so that more women now marry for the first time in their 40s, 50s and even 60s than ever before in history.”
 
Speaking of the 1950’s, what about Find-A-Rich-Old-Guy-To-Marry? Studies (especially one involving 37 countries by Alice Eagly of Northwestern University and Wendy Wood of Duke University) show there’s no truth to this IF women have access to resources. And a woman with a career certainly has resources. They don’t choose older “provider” males. They look for mates who are kind, intelligent, and who bond well with children.
 
The divorce rate has changed too. It has gone down for college-educated women and up for other women. University of Michigan sociologist Hiromi Ono found that a woman who has no income is more likely to divorce than a woman with earnings. 
 
What about the happiness factor? A University of California-Berkeley study found that at age 43 homemakers were more depressed and frustrated than working women. Working women had higher self-esteem and were happier.
 
So, the news today is:  You can successfully have both a career and a marriage. And, guess what, you may end up happier, richer, and un-divorced.
 
 
Tip:  You know you’re a smart working woman. And now you have the facts that show you can have both a career and a marriage—and probably be happier. What I propose is that you handle the prenuptial discussions like a business meeting. Talk about the hours that will be cubbyholed for household, social, and career tasks. Who will do what? Or will the hours be divided? Will you review how successfully this division is working—monthly or weekly? It doesn’t sound romantic, but you know it’s good advice.
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Newsweek, Stephanie Coontz, Three ‘Rules’ That Don’t Apply
 
WomensMedia, Susan Nash, Relating: Quality Time Together
 
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Tags: business, women, career, marriage, divorce

Men Ask More, Men Get More
 
 
OK women, we have a problem. We haven’t realized the magnitude of this problem yet. But as soon as each of you do, you’ll be eager to start making a small change in your behavior. I emphasize small change—you’ll find this quite doable.
 
OK—the problem. In business, men get more things than women—including money. Is it because male and female bosses favor men? Is it because they think men deserve more? No on both counts—it’s because men ask for more stuff—including money.
 
At WomensMedia we’ve heard women in their 20’s and 30’s say, “Oh, that’s a problem that older women have. That’s not a problem for us.”  Wrong. In fact, Internet surveys show it’s slightly worse for younger women. So, no matter what your age group, you need to realize this problem affects you. The reason I’m blogging is because I don’t want you to be naïve and end up disappointed with the workplace. This can be avoided.
 
OK, next. Here’s one piece of evidence, among many that point to the same result. Linda Babcock, while a professor of economics at Carnegie Mellon University, wondered why male graduate students in her department were teaching courses of their own while female graduate students were acting as teaching assistants to the regular faculty. To her surprise, she discovered that the men went to the department head with a class proposal in hand and a budget request—the women didn’t. It was not a case of discrimination. It was a case of women being naïve as to how the game can be played.
 
To take her investigation one step further, Linda researched the starting salaries these men and women received after they completed graduate school. The starting salaries of the men were about $4,000 higher. When she asked who negotiated a salary, rather than accepting the initial offer, she had the answer to the big WHY. Eight—EIGHT— times as many men as women asked for more money. Now I know we can safely assume these were smart women who know their numbers—they completed graduate school, in economics no less.
 
That shows smart, well-educated women can be as naïve as the rest of us. Fortunately, the solution is quite doable. Up your rate of ASKING. Ask for more money of course, but also ask for things that will make your job easier, things that will boost your resume, things that will make your life more enjoyable—why not, while you’re at it? Start your list in these categories. And start asking.
 
Tip:  Take the first step in changing your behavior by asking for something small that you want. It doesn’t have to be money.  It can be paid attendance at a conference, a change in your office environment, a change in your job description, or something else that will make a difference to you.  Be prepared to ask 3 times to establish the thought, “This is a woman who doesn’t give up.” This is necessary to overcome the stereotype that women back down more easily than men. Don’t admit it, but it’s true too often!
 
Make a Difference:  After you’ve successfully received something you’ve asked for, pass the good idea along. Select a woman who deserves more than she’s receiving—because she’s not asking—and pass the idea along to her. Tell her that when she’s successful, she will feel as good as you feel passing this along.
 
Comments: I appreciate your comments! Let’s get creative and list things we can ask for!
 
Further Reading:
Website, WomensMedia, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, Learning to Ask.
Book, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide.

Website, Negotiation Women, Inc., The Shadow Negotiation
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Tags: business, women, negotiating, salary, compensation

The Timing Is Right To Admit It
 
 
Come on—we’ve always known we’re different from men. But admit it, it hasn’t seemed like a good idea to talk about this in the past. I’ll be the first to admit that I used to insist women and men were the same, because, in my mind, this meant “as good as men.”
 
Newsweek’s article. Why Girls Will Be Girls, mentions the work of neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine who delineates the differences found in the female brain. These are physical differences as well as hormonal. In the Nature-Nurture debate, some people argue that Nurture can make such a huge impact that you can attribute gender differences to Nurture alone. Any woman who has experienced childbirth can attest to the not-too-minor effects of hormones!
 
Let’s admit the differences—and recognize the benefits. And, the Good News is, NOW is the right time to say these differences are OK. Here’s the evidence for this perfect timing.
 
Point #1:  Women are half the U.S. workforce. That pipeline we were told needed to be filled before women advanced in the workplace—well, it has been filled. Women account for 46.5 percent of today’s workers, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. This percentage is up from only 33.9 percent in 1950.
 
Point #2:  Women are half of our companies’ managers, as confirmed by a recent Catalyst report.
 
Point #3:  Women are rated slightly higher than men as managers, as detailed in this Women’s Lunch Talk posting on Proof That Women Make Great Managers. 
 
Point #4:  Some of those Female Differences are exactly what flexible businesses need today— collaborative leadership, relationship skills, sharing of information, and comfort with ambiguity. For more on this, see this Women’s Lunch Talk posting on Female Behavior Traits.
 
Point #5:  And if your company is looking for skilled employees, women are now 60% of the college graduates.
 
I have three more points I could mention, but why overdo a good thing? ( . . . women are starting businesses at twice the rate of men, corporate financial success is linked to more women in upper management, women hold 80% of the consumer market)
 
 
Tip:  If you agree that it’s time for women to stop being treated with second-class employee status, let people in your company know these Good News facts. And, if they’re interested in the financial upside of promoting more women to upper management, refer them to this BusinessWeek report that shows corporate financial success linked to more women in upper management of Fortune 500.  
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Website, WomensMedia, The Tipping Point Evidence: Why Business is Suddenly Focusing on Women!
 
Website, MSNBC, Newsweek’s article, Why Girls Will Be Girls.

Webite, MSNBC, Talking about Men and Women: Different Brains?
 
Website, Catalyst, Fact Sheet, The Glass Ceiling in 2000: Where are Women Now?, September, 2000.
 
Magazine, BusinessWeek, The Bottom Line on Women at the Top.
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Tags: fbusiness, women, emale, brain, working, gender, differences