Please see our updated article.
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Tags: business, women, first, impressions, introduction, double, standard, stereotype,

See Updated Article.
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Women Can Have It All
 
 
The news today:  You can successfully have both a career and a marriage. Remember how quickly newspapers were to report that a career and marriage don’t mix? If you waited to start your career before getting married, you had a good chance of ending up in the Spinster Category.
 
Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families, reports that marriage has changed more in the last 30 years than it did in the last 300. What are the facts now? It used to be that women believed if they didn’t get married early, they might miss the boat. In the 1950’s, the average age of marriage for women was 20, with the most women marrying at age 18. There were very few first marriages after age 24. Coontz states, “This is a different world than the 1950s. The average age at first marriage for women is now almost 26. For women with a B.A. it is more than 27, and for women with master’s or professional degrees it is 30. And there is huge variation within each average, so that more women now marry for the first time in their 40s, 50s and even 60s than ever before in history.”
 
Speaking of the 1950’s, what about Find-A-Rich-Old-Guy-To-Marry? Studies (especially one involving 37 countries by Alice Eagly of Northwestern University and Wendy Wood of Duke University) show there’s no truth to this IF women have access to resources. And a woman with a career certainly has resources. They don’t choose older “provider” males. They look for mates who are kind, intelligent, and who bond well with children.
 
The divorce rate has changed too. It has gone down for college-educated women and up for other women. University of Michigan sociologist Hiromi Ono found that a woman who has no income is more likely to divorce than a woman with earnings. 
 
What about the happiness factor? A University of California-Berkeley study found that at age 43 homemakers were more depressed and frustrated than working women. Working women had higher self-esteem and were happier.
 
So, the news today is:  You can successfully have both a career and a marriage. And, guess what, you may end up happier, richer, and un-divorced.
 
 
Tip:  You know you’re a smart working woman. And now you have the facts that show you can have both a career and a marriage—and probably be happier. What I propose is that you handle the prenuptial discussions like a business meeting. Talk about the hours that will be cubbyholed for household, social, and career tasks. Who will do what? Or will the hours be divided? Will you review how successfully this division is working—monthly or weekly? It doesn’t sound romantic, but you know it’s good advice.
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Newsweek, Stephanie Coontz, Three ‘Rules’ That Don’t Apply
 
WomensMedia, Susan Nash, Relating: Quality Time Together
 
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Tags: business, women, career, marriage, divorce

Men Ask More, Men Get More
 
 
OK women, we have a problem. We haven’t realized the magnitude of this problem yet. But as soon as each of you do, you’ll be eager to start making a small change in your behavior. I emphasize small change—you’ll find this quite doable.
 
OK—the problem. In business, men get more things than women—including money. Is it because male and female bosses favor men? Is it because they think men deserve more? No on both counts—it’s because men ask for more stuff—including money.
 
At WomensMedia we’ve heard women in their 20’s and 30’s say, “Oh, that’s a problem that older women have. That’s not a problem for us.”  Wrong. In fact, Internet surveys show it’s slightly worse for younger women. So, no matter what your age group, you need to realize this problem affects you. The reason I’m blogging is because I don’t want you to be naïve and end up disappointed with the workplace. This can be avoided.
 
OK, next. Here’s one piece of evidence, among many that point to the same result. Linda Babcock, while a professor of economics at Carnegie Mellon University, wondered why male graduate students in her department were teaching courses of their own while female graduate students were acting as teaching assistants to the regular faculty. To her surprise, she discovered that the men went to the department head with a class proposal in hand and a budget request—the women didn’t. It was not a case of discrimination. It was a case of women being naïve as to how the game can be played.
 
To take her investigation one step further, Linda researched the starting salaries these men and women received after they completed graduate school. The starting salaries of the men were about $4,000 higher. When she asked who negotiated a salary, rather than accepting the initial offer, she had the answer to the big WHY. Eight—EIGHT— times as many men as women asked for more money. Now I know we can safely assume these were smart women who know their numbers—they completed graduate school, in economics no less.
 
That shows smart, well-educated women can be as naïve as the rest of us. Fortunately, the solution is quite doable. Up your rate of ASKING. Ask for more money of course, but also ask for things that will make your job easier, things that will boost your resume, things that will make your life more enjoyable—why not, while you’re at it? Start your list in these categories. And start asking.
 
Tip:  Take the first step in changing your behavior by asking for something small that you want. It doesn’t have to be money.  It can be paid attendance at a conference, a change in your office environment, a change in your job description, or something else that will make a difference to you.  Be prepared to ask 3 times to establish the thought, “This is a woman who doesn’t give up.” This is necessary to overcome the stereotype that women back down more easily than men. Don’t admit it, but it’s true too often!
 
Make a Difference:  After you’ve successfully received something you’ve asked for, pass the good idea along. Select a woman who deserves more than she’s receiving—because she’s not asking—and pass the idea along to her. Tell her that when she’s successful, she will feel as good as you feel passing this along.
 
Comments: I appreciate your comments! Let’s get creative and list things we can ask for!

Visit our website, www.WomensMedia.com, for Expert Advice for Working Women. 

 
Further Reading:
Website, WomensMedia, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, Learning to Ask.
Book, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide.

Website, Negotiation Women, Inc., The Shadow Negotiation
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Please see updated post.