Thank You, Sir. Your Momma Must Be Proud!
 
 
You know, we’ve gotta lighten up. We’ve got men Walking On Eggshells around us. They hesitate to open doors for us because they’re afraid we might say, “I can do that!” And they have to watch their language because they’ve been warned at the office that lawsuits are waiting to pounce. Now, I’m not talking about degrading comments here. Those are out for both women and ethnic groups. But you know how men joke around with other men at the office? Their comments are peppered with, how should I put it . . . poor taste. Can’t we just roll our eyes, or laugh, if it’s really good?
 
Some of you may think, “Why should women let this joking go on?” Well, I say it’s better for women—and it’s better for men.
 
There’s another component to the door-opening dilemma. It’s the dilemma of “If I offer to help her, does that look like I think she’s not capable?”  It’s important to realize this “not capable” thing is more important to men than to women. Because of this, if we need help, we need to ask for it. As you’re boarding an airplane with that heavy carryon, you’re probably dreading heaving it overhead into the bin. And I can guarantee you the man sitting beneath that bin is holding his breath. Look around and choose a strong looking man to assist you and tell him you appreciate it.
 
This Walking On Eggshells around women is happening at the same time as the media is repeatedly commenting on “The Loss of Courtesy” in our society. Now I’m not saying women are responsible for the loss of courtesy, but I am saying that we should encourage courtesy. I’m reminded of that television segment on the New York subway showing a very pregnant woman having to stand. It’s true that we see this behavior more now than we used to. You should take the opportunity to encourage courtesy—gladly give up your seat. Appreciate how it makes you feel. I bet it will rub off on others—women as well as men.
 
Tip:
Here’s what I want you to try. Next time you’re approaching a door, slow up and give a man a chance to act—if he’s so inclined. Then when he opens the door, look him in the eye and sincerely tell him you appreciate it. Don’t say this next part out loud, but think it:  “You’re momma must be proud!” I’ll bet it was his mother who taught him to do this. 
 
 
Further Reading: 
 
Podcast (always less than 10 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Powerful Body Language For Working Women —Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message

Website, Revenwerks Information Center, by Paula Gamonal, Business Etiquette:  More Than Just Eating With the Right Fork
 
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Tags: business, women, courtesy,

It’s Possible— If You Don’t Want To Spend Time On The Golf Course
 
 
You can’t deny relationships are easily forged on the golf course—and they usually involve only men. Does this necessitate a That’s Not Fair rant? Does this mean you need to take the golf lessons you’re dreading? Or does this mean you should pay close attention to a reasonable alterative solution?

I propose a reasonable alternative that’s worked for me and for other women.

Before I disclose it, let’s talk about why so many deals are made on the golf course. It’s because men open up and begin to enjoy themselves when they’re away from work. They can, for once, ignore the limiting hierarchy and discuss some non-business concerns—although not as many as women. The people they talk with outside the office, they consider friends. They can let down their guard and forget about protecting their turf. The golf course is not the only outlet that qualifies. It’s actually any get-together outside the office.

So, here’s the alternative:  Organize an out-of-the-office event. Be creative—what can you think of? A dinner? A charity fund-raiser? A number of women have organized golf/spa outings. I don’t think this is the best idea. If you elect the spa component along with the wives, you’re not out there chatting with the men. And if you’re the least bit, should I say “sexy,” you run the risk of  . . . backlash later. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this point. Not all women are immune to jealousy and worry. Alas!

Now what about if you’re already halfway through those golf lessons? If you’re not enjoying them, I say drop them. If you love them, go ahead, but remove any blinders. Even if you’re a decent golfer, have a good sense of humor, and the wives are not against you, you many not always fit in. It took a very pro-woman young man to explain to me that sometimes the guys just want to be with guys and do guy stuff! That hit the truth bell—and yah I didn’t want to admit it, at first.
 
Tip:
Here’s what worked for me. I organized Friday lunches. Each week I walked around and talked with each executive. I picked a different restaurant each time and I handled the reservations. Depending on the personalities of your entourage, you might want to also handle calculating the tip and dividing up equally what each will pay. You’ll probably find that men will tend to order more in this situation—the not being caught One-Down Syndrome plays in here—and have a better time.
 
 
Further Reading: 
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Martha Barletta, The Differences Between Men and Women
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Kathleen Kelley Reardon, Using Office Politics to Your Advantage
 
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Tags: business, women, office, politics