Are Women As Ambitious As Men?
Is Ambition Good For Men, And Bad For Women?
Ambition as my favorite ambition expert, Anna Fels, defines it is: Recognition of your mastery. That’s my short version of the definition. Mastery of anything, at least anything good, is satisfying to you. But mastery is not the only component of ambition. Ambition is comprised of both mastery and receiving recognition for it. I think I heard you say, “Eww” at wanting public recognition. If so, then the next thing you’re probably saying is, “It doesn’t matter if other people know. It’s enough that I know.” Yeah, right. That’s why he got promoted and you didn’t—or something like that. I don’t want to pick on you too much—only enough to cause you to realize that acting like a good girl who is not ambitious is an old-fashioned notion.
How do we start out on the ambition timeline? Scientific research does not show any difference between ambition in boys and girls. They want to be “the best soccer player ever,” “the best artist ever,” or “the best president ever.” Gender doesn’t matter. But as boys become men, and as girls become women, the situation changes—or in my mind, it used to change. In the past, a man was expected to have a career as his main source of identity, and through this career he was able to care for his wife and children. A man who worked long hours away from his family was considered a good provider. If he received public recognition for his efforts, his identity soared.
How Things Used To Be
In the past, a woman was expected to be satisfied remaining out of the public sphere. Her self-worth was to be completely satisfied by caring for others—even if she had no family. A woman nurtured her private relationships with others, as these were approved sources of recognition and identity. Because ambition in a woman is/was not socially condoned, you found that teachers, school counselors, and professors lavished their praise on the young men and held it back from the women. They may not have realized their bias—but it was there never the less. And it had tremendous consequences. To quote Fels, “Without such earned affirmation, long-term learning and performance goals are rarely reached.” I know this is a major factor in women zigzagging in their career directions. If, when you’re about to have your first child you were to think, “I’m really good at this profession. I’ll find a way to continue and be a good mother.” chances are you’d find a workable solution.
Instead, so many women look at the change that motherhood may bring and think, “Maybe I’m not so hot at X (being an attorney comes to mind as one of those not-praising-women-occupations). Maybe I should take a break and think of something else to do—something I might be good at. If they had received the deserved affirmations along the way, they wouldn’t doubt themselves.
Look At The Art World Today
As an aside here, I’m an artist in my spare time. If you want to see how effective the social prohibition of ambition has been in the past, take a stroll through any historical art museum and count the number of paintings by women. Calculate the percentage. Anywhere near 50 percent? Or is it closer to 5 percent? Now cruise through a contemporary art gallery and appreciate visually how things have changed—for women! My new motto is:
As the art world goes, so goes the nation.
Tip:
I want you to identify one thing that makes you think, “Oh, I’d like that, but I’m not really good enough, and anyway I don’t need much.” What could it be? Could it be the position your boss’ boss holds? It should be. Identify it and decide it’s OK for you to have ambition—it’s not too much for you to strive for. I know the “eww factor” is unpleasant at first, but if you could ignore it, what would you be doing? Now start doing that!
Further Reading:
Listen to this Podcast, Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Nature vs Nurture —Men and Women: Different But Equal - (it’s less than 10 minutes)
WomensMedia, by Jovita Jenkins, Create the Next Chapter of Your Life
Women’s Lunch Talk, Stereotyping Hurts Women In Business —Those Little Put-Downs Add Up
Book, Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women’s Changing Lives, by Anna Fels
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