Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message
 
 
Do you want to improve the first impression you make? Do you want people to consider you as capable as a man working in the same field? As a woman, you have to pay more attention to the impression you’re making because you have to overcome the initial stereotype that pops up in the other person’s mind when then think, “Oh, it’s a woman.”
 
In my podcast, 3 Steps To Gain More Authority, I talk about the 3 components outside of body language that you must attend to. Pay attention to those and add to your repertoire a good knowledge of body language. It’s an important component of the amount of authority you receive. In fact, it accounts for more than half of what’s learned in a conversation. Don’t you want people to learn that you’re confident, competent, and sincere? If you answered “yes,” then keep reading and I’ll tell you how.
 
Entering a Room
If you’re walking in with others, try to walk in first. This makes a powerful impression on the people already in the room. If you’re on your own entering a room full of people, walk in the door, stand to the side and quickly survey the room to plan where you’ll go. Perhaps there’s a group of people you could walk over to and meet—in lieu of high-tailing it over to your familiar clan. Or, if you see a group of higher-ups, take this opportunity to walk over and ask them a question related to business. Ewww, is that out of your comfort zone? Here’s how to do it:  Approach the group and stand a little outside of their circle and smile, wait for a lull in the conversation, and I bet someone will say hello.
 
The Handshake
As a woman, you can’t get away with the advice given to men for a powerful handshake. That’s the one where he puts his hand out palm down and dominates the shake. My advice is for you to be the first one to put your right hand out, thumb facing up. It’s important to be the first because that’s powerful, but more importantly, because men often don’t know if you’ll be okay with a handshake. Let him know you are. Also, face him directly—not at an angle, which looks tentative and unsure. Grip his hand firmly and fully—not any of this fingertip stuff. Smile, look in his eyes, and say something.
 
Powerful Speaking
If possible, be the first person to talk. As you’re talking, try pausing now and then. It makes the impression that you’re powerful and controlling the conversation. One caveat here:  If there’s a man present who likes to interrupt women, forget the pausing and use the “just a minute” hand gesture in his direction.
 
Blinking & Nodding
Just saying those 2 words sounds powerless. Try not to blink too often—it signals nervousness. Try not to nod as often as you do with a group of women. We women like to reassure each other that we’re listening, so we nod. Curtail this body language with men. They take it to mean that we’re either in total agreement with their ideas, or we’re weak and doing the frightened doggie Don’t-Attack-Me stance.
 
Smiling
Here’s the double-edged sword:  People expect women to smile more often than men. When you don’t smile quite enough, you get saddled with the She’s Not Nice label. So go ahead with some smiling but NOT when you disagree with what someone is saying, and NOT when you’re being verbally attacked. Many women have the habit of smiling when they’re uncomfortable—and when you’re ideas are being attacked, you’re uncomfortable. On a related topic from my podcast on Gender Stereotypes Hold Women Back, I was asked if I’d advise a woman to frown when she’s on the receiving end of a put-down. My reply was that a firm, stern look goes over better than a Frowning Woman look.
 
Fidgeting
Imagine if you were videoed for a day at work. Would we see you twirling or fixing your hair, picking at your nails, rubbing your face, fiddling with paperclips, or tapping pens? There are 2 reasons for these actions:  You’re either trying to get rid of all that nervous energy, or you’re reassuring yourself that maybe you’re going to be okay—but you’re not sure. Those are 2 Powerless Messages. Stop it!
 
 
Tip:
You can add power by taking control of your body language. You may not be as tall as the men in your workplace, but you can still use positioning to your advantage. Take advantage of opportunities to stand up when others are seated. Occupy your space by putting your arms out on the chair or the table—look bigger and more powerful. When you’re sitting, don’t let your hands or feet dangle, don’t slouch back, but sit up tall and lean forward and look others in the eye. You can do that. Get to it!
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Podcast, Working In Heels, 3 Steps To Gain More Authority: Take These Steps Towards Leadership & Authority
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, Double Standards For Men And Women: Is She Strong Or Just Plain Bitchy?
 
Podcast, Working In Heels, Nature vs Nurture —Men and Women: Different But Equal
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Dana Bristol-Smith, Presenting for Success: Simple Strategies to Add Confidence and Credibility to Your Next Presentation
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Tags: confidence, powerful, working, women

Take These Steps Towards Leadership & Authority
 
 
Do you want to have more authority at work? Do you want to act like a leader and have others perceive you as leadership material? Well, these 3 steps will set you on your way.
 
First, one note on what doesn’t work:  You can’t act like one of those successful, abrasive, aggressive male executives. Because, you know the word, the B word, that’s what you’ll be stuck with. And try to make a persuasive presentation when that description precedes you. You’d be operating with a handicap.
 
Deal With Your Appearance
We can take our clue from what works from the research done for political candidates. In their words, “You have to have face credibility.” If you place an ad for a male candidate next to an ad for a female, viewers start detracting points from the female before she starts talking. In other words, the woman is graded on her appearance—not so for the male. This doesn’t mean you have to be young and slim, but it does mean you should take the free advice of the consultants (it surely wasn’t free originally): look like a woman with authority. The advice is to take some time with your hair and a little makeup. Your clothing should never be Friday Casual, even if everyone else is dressed that way. You should be dressed like an executive—and it would not be a mistake to be better dressed than the men. Suits are suggested, but I believe a woman can wear tailored dresses. In fact, I like this idea as it underscores that she’s not trying to be a man. And you shouldn’t be, because that doesn’t work. We tried this experiment for 3 decades and saw that it didn’t help.
 
Formulate Your Credibility
Make an effort to gather together pieces of your credibility and plan ways to weave them into conversations and introductions—that you can live with. I know it’s not comfortable, at first, but it’s absolutely imperative that you do this. An advanced degree is not necessary in most cases. There are other things that make an impression with men:  How about a successful marketing campaign that you were a part of, or a well-known client you helped nab?  Put the results into concise statements that you can use now and then, and then some more. Give people the facts that show your competence. Put numbers in there to get the male brain’s attention. If you’re asking why I keep mentioning getting the men’s attention, it’s because 84 percent of upper management in the Fortune 500 companies is male-run. Women have only made it into 16 percent—nowhere near the halfway mark.
 
Now that I ventured into the numbers realm, I think it’s fascinating that this 84 percent is suspiciously close to the number of state governors who are male—86 percent. Now that we’re in the twenty-first millennium, aren’t you surprised that women have not passed above the 20 percent barrier when appearing outside the private sphere? I’m surprised— I’m surprised and looking for ways to help women with this “obstacle.”
 
The Language Of Authority
You have to admit the first 2 steps are doable: You can deal with your appearance, and you can formulate a great verbal resume with just a little forethought. Now the third step is equally doable. It just takes a little practice to recognize when you’re using passive language, and quickly adjust it back into active language—the language of authority. Look to Phyllis Mindell, author of How to Say It for Women:  The active form in English is subject-verb-object (such as, The CEO wrote her talk). To translate that into the weaker passive voice, we must insert a version of the “to be” verb (such as, The talk was written by the CEO). Here are a few examples you want to add to your Avoid List:
 

• The project was completed before the deadline.
• A proposal is required before June.
• Your willingness to give me a personal tour was very much appreciated.

 
Change those weak sentences into these active versions:
 

• The team completed the project before the deadline.
• The telephone company requires a proposal before the deadline.
• Thanks for your willingness to give me a personal tour.

 
 
Tip:
 
For your next meeting, design a few sentences that display your credibility, and say them in the active voice. Of course, this needs to be in relation to the business topic at hand, but you can do it! And I’m sure most of the other participants will not do this type of preparation.
 
Further Reading:
 
Blog, Powerful Communication For Women — How To Change “I Speak Like A Girl” to “I Know What I’m Talking About”
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Victoria Simon and Holly Pedersen,  Fearless Communication
Our At-Home Style Is Not Successful In Business
 
Podcast, Women’s Lunch Talk, Nature vs Nurture —Men and Women: Different But Equal
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Tags: authority, communication, working, women

Please see updated article.

Please see updated article.
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