Communicate: Speak Up Now!
Smart Women Interrupt
Are you waiting for a lull in the conversation so you won’t seem rude? Don’t do that—you’ll miss the ideal time to make your point. You’ve probably noticed men interrupt each other all the time. And have you noticed they interrupt women even more often? Well it’s true.
I interviewed Madeleine Albright—the first U.S. female Secretary Of State—and asked her for her #1 piece of advice for working women. She said, “I tell women to act in a more confident manner. You need to learn to interrupt. Ask questions when they occur to you and don’t wait to ask. Also, you don’t need to ask permission to ask a question.” Albright raised her three daughters with this good advice.
In addition to speaking up when a good idea occurs to you, you need to learn how to keep people from interrupting you. Say, “I’m not finished,” or hold your hand up like a stop sign near your face—or do both together.
There’s another reason men may interrupt you. Men often look for a vulnerable person to spar with. They’re testing you by disagreeing with you. If they succeed, they feel they’re One-Up—and that’s a big game. A woman is a likely target, so be prepared for a jousting match. Expect to be challenged and handle it well: Don’t be defensive; don’t be emotional; do restate or add more supporting facts (as in, “You probably aren’t aware of the new study that shows …”). If you remain calm, you win the game—even though you probably didn’t want to play that game. If he’s still dragging out more jabs, you might consider turning your attention to another man (as in, “Paul, you’re aware of that new study, aren’t you?”).
Tip: Be one of the first people to start talking. You’ll more likely be perceived as dominant and in control of the conversation. Don’t talk too fast—this makes it sound as if you expect to be interrupted. When it happens and you are interrupted, hold your hand up slightly and say, “Just a minute.” If the same person immediately tries again, say, “Jim, just a minute, please.”
Further Reading:
Website, WomensMedia, Nancy Clark’s Interview with Madeline Albright, Advice to Women
Website, WomensMedia, Nancy Clark’s Interview with Martha Barletta, The Differences Between Men and Women
Book, by Deborah Tannen, Talking from 9 to 5 : Women and Men at Work
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