Build Your Business Network One Event At A Time
 
 
Let’s say you’re anxiously thinking about the next business event coming up. You know you need to attend and you need to make new contacts and renew old ones while you’re there. If you’re the type of person who hangs out with the same clan at these events, you’re probably looking forward to it, but you’re already criticizing yourself for not venturing out to meet people who can help you.
 
There are two types of relationships you should keep in mind. There are those that will benefit you in the long term, especially if you decide to change companies or directions. And there are those that you need right away. Remember, all these relationships must be of benefit to both parties.
 
I’m guessing you’d like to have a script that will lead you through the steps you need to take. Look these steps over several times until they’re ingrained. Then go out, and do a good job of business networking—one step at a time.
 
1.  Review your statement of what you do. It should be short and interesting. Think about enticing the other person to ask you how you do it.
 
2.  Make a list of the people you’d like to meet who may be there. Put them in order of importance to you. Research the people—use the Internet—and note items of interest and questions you may have. Decide which ones may grow into long-term relationships.
 
3.  Arrive early enough so you can take advantage of the business networking time.
 
4.  Select a table that has a good view of the presentation. Save your seat and one extra one so you can invite someone to sit with you.
 
5.  Find the event chairman and introduce yourself. Tell him what you do and ask him who he thinks you should meet. Then take a breath and say, “I’d appreciate it if you’d introduce me to X.”
 
6.  At some point, sooner better than later, you must walk up to a group and introduce yourself. I prefer only briefly telling someone about what I do. I’d rather ask him about what he does and let the conversation flow on his part at first. Tossing out your card and talking nonstop about your business is too self-serving. Ask him what projects he’s looking forward to, etc. Ask him for his card. You want to be the one to email or phone with a “nice meeting you,” rather than waiting to see what happens on his part.
 
7.  Next, you need to excuse yourself so you can meet someone else. Excuse yourself with, “I’ve enjoyed talking with you. I see someone I have to say hello to.”
 
8.  If this is the opportunity of the day, invite the person to sit at your table. 
 
9.  At your table, stand up and shake hands with each person and introduce yourself. Also introduce them to your guest. You may also hand each person your business card.
 
10.  Just before the event ends, make a note of one more person you’d like to meet and see where they’re sitting. Be ready to thank the people at your table as soon as the event ends and head over to that last contact.
 
 
Tip: 
 
Don’t forget the follow-through. When you’re back in your office, or at least within the next 24 hours, thank your contacts via email. If a phone call is your best bet, mark a date on your calendar. For your long-term contacts, mark two or three dates on your calendar so you can stay in touch. Send information you think they’d appreciate.
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Podcast, by Nancy Clark, Powerful Body Language For Working Women:  Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message
 
Website, WomensMedia, by John L. Bennett, Success Through Personal Connections
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, Want To Cover Your Self-Doubt? —Use Words That Say, “I Can Do It!”
 
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Tags: business, networking, working, women

Why Do We Have Mars-Venus Communication, And Why Is Mars More Powerful?
 
 
I’m making this easy: The reason we have Mars-Venus communication has quite a bit to do with nurture—it’s based on societal pressures—economic, psychological, and cultural pressures. This is Good News because it means our style of communication is not genetically inherited. In other words, it can be changed—easily changed. I say let’s go for it! It’s the main reason working women do not have the same power as men.
 
Psychologist and educator Virginia Valian did an excellent job of reviewing research and came to the conclusion that these pressures are responsible for the following results:
 

1. Women internalize failure more than men. (Yeah, you know that’s true.)
2. Women are less influential than men in a group decision. (Seen it.)
3. Attractiveness has a negative impact on the perception of a woman’s competence and a positive impact on the perception of a man’s competence. (I’m having a hard time being quiet here!)
4. Both men and women elicit negative responses when they are assertive or try to solve a problem but women are judged more negatively than men. (Step up to the plate and solve the problem. If there’s grumbling, don’t let it bother you.)
5. Women’s successes are more likely to be attributed to luck than to skill; men’s successes are more likely to be attributed to skill than to luck. (I will help you with this in this week’s tip.)
6. Women expect to receive fewer benefits from their work than men do. (Change this! Don’t be satisfied with the 20% less pay you receive.)
7. Women often overestimate the difficulty of a task: men often underestimate the difficulty of a task. (I guess we’d say the guys are not being realistic.)
8. Women, when they talk, are listened to less than men by both men and women. (Not fair. Not fair. We’re going to work on this one today.)

We can start on our journey of change by becoming aware when we’re internalizing failure. Was it due to outside circumstances or other people? Hey, even if it wasn’t, do what the guys do, place the blame somewhere else. No, that’s not right. We can do the right thing if it was our fault by learning from it. A brief, “My mistake. That factor was not considered.” is all that’s needed. No further lamenting is necessary!
 
Regarding #8 above, believe the research that men and women are not going to pay as much attention to you in a conversation that they would to a man. OK, we’re starting with a handicap. What you need to do is take control of the conversation. As professor Sarah McGinty says:  Use language from the center, not from the edge. For example:
 
 

• (If you direct others, rather than responding, you look confident and knowledgeable and you can take control. Use statements, not questions.) “I need you to …”
• (When things get too involved in minutia, you need to interrupt.) “Okay, but first let’s look at the major tasks. The most important of these is …”
• (To change to the direction you want.) “We can give you what you need, but first we need to discuss …”
• (Strengthen your statements with your expertise. No one else will do it for you.) When my team brought in the IBM contract, we did it by using …”
• (Don’t shy away from contradiction. If you disagree, say so by pointing at the idea, not the person. Look to the future—don’t search through the past to place blame.) “I don’t agree that we should continue to concentrate our advertising in newspapers. We want to expand our reach to bring in younger customers.”

In other blog postings and podcasts, I talk about additional changes we can make in our communication style. You may be interested in listening to my brief podcast, Gender Stereotypes Hold Women Back, or in reading my blog post on Powerful Communication For Women.
 
Tip: 
 
In relation to #5 above:
 
Women’s successes are more likely to be attributed to luck than to skill; men’s successes are more likely to be attributed to skill than to luck. As part of your change, I want you to vow you’ll replace “I was lucky” with something along the line of, “It was fortunate that I …”  Fill the blank with one of your credits. Don’t give others the opportunity to apply the conventional wisdom that if women succeed, it was probably due to luck. Remember, we’re changing conventional wisdom here. Start the changing process. Speed it up—teach other women!
 
Further Reading:
 
Podcast, by Nancy Clark, Nature vs. Nurture —men and Women: Different But Equal
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Victoria Simon and Holly Pedersen, Communicating with Men at Work —It’s Important To Recognize The Differences
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, When You Want Men To Listen To You —You Have To Resort To Trickery
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, Want To Cover Your Self-Doubt? —Use Words That Say, “I Can Do It!”
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, Powerful Body Language For Working Women —Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message
 
Book, by Sarah McGinty, Power Talk: Using Language to Build Authority and Influence
 
Book, by Virginia Valian, Why So Slow? The Advancement of Women
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communication working women powerful

Do Men’s Jobs Pay More?
 
 
In my blog posting Are Jobs Stereotyped? —Women Are Secretaries And Men Are CEO’s? I talked about the types of roles where we often find women. I would expect that a female college graduate would aspire to upper management just as much as a man. Why do we still see 84% of upper management positions in the Fortune 500 held by men?
 
Now, the question I want to pose today is why are there certain fields that appear to be off limits to women? Why is it the trades (electricians, plumbers, painters, etc.) are only 2% female? Women would love those wages—particularly the union wages. Don’t tell me it’s because women don’t do dirty work—nurses’ aids are predominantly female, and that’s not clean work. And why don’t we see more female firemen? There are plenty of medical tasks, people tasks, and logistics to handle besides heavy lifting. I know women could handle these superbly. Doesn’t this question deserve more attention? It’s a big part of the gender wage gap. These male fields pay more than the traditionally female fields.
 
Do you know what happens when a primarily male field starts tipping with a significant number of women? The wages begin to decrease. A topic of conversation among male sociologists is that the field is taking on more women and they worry the work will pay less and be less respected. Whew!
 
There’s a Good News flip side here:  When a female field starts taking on men, the wages begin to increase and the tasks you’re asked to do improve. For instance, as we see more men go into the nursing field, we see fewer nurses asked to do nurses’ aid duties. You know what you need to do if you’re in one of these fields: Invite men to join you!  And then there’s a Bad News flip side too:  Men in female fields, such as teaching, enjoy riding that fast glass escalator to management positions.
 
 
Tip:
Women, I know you’re being offered less money, but don’t hesitate to negotiate, and don’t accept the first offer! In fact, I tell women they have to restate their negotiation amount 3 times to let the employer know you’re serious. Do your research ahead of time. Ask men what they think the position should pay.
 
 
Further Reading:
 
 
Podcast, Working In Heels, Women Still Make Less Money: Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Happen To You! —Make As Much As A Man
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, Gender Pay Gap:
80 Cents For Each Dollar A Man Makes Is Not OK!
Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Happen To You!
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Hilary M. Lips, The Gender Wage Gap: Debunking the Rationalizations
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Tags: salary, working, women, business, money

Get A Handle On Time By Delegating
 

If you’re a supervisor looking for a time management tool because you’re overwhelmed at work, you need to learn how to effectively use a super tool:  Delegation. Don’t think your boss expects you to do all you have on your plate right now. She expects the work to get done—that’s all.

The Five Easy Steps Of Delegation

1.  Choose what job you want to delegate. You will not be doing the work but you will be responsible because this is a task you’re currently handling.

2.  Choose who will be the right person to do the job. This is not a case of giving it to the most capable person. You are responsible to help develop your employee’s skills so they can take on more important roles in the company. Don’t discount that new person who is quietly working away on minor tasks. Effective managers grow their highly competent employees.

3.  Communicate what you want done.
Explain what decisions the employee has the authority to make. Explain why this job is important to the company. Tell the employee when you expect this task to be completed. Don’t assign it to the When You Get A Chance realm.

4.  Communicate how you’ll review her progress.
Tell her you think she’s proven to you she’s capable of handling important tasks and that you’ll be available, at first, to answer questions and that in (1 month, 1 week) the two of you will sit down to review the progress and note this step up in responsibilities in the employee’s personnel file. Tell her how you’ll monitor her progress without micromanaging it. You trust her authority in this matter. And then do not micromanagement it! 

5.  Review the progress.
Let the employee know ahead of time when the job will be reviewed. Tell her you’ll then ask her if she has any ideas about how it can be improved because you value her ability. On the other hand, if the employee has come to you too often to make decisions, it’s time to go over the authority you’ve given her—and expect her to handle. Let her know that everyone makes a mistake now and then. You won’t hold it against her, but you expect her to learn from these errors and to move on to higher-level tasks in the company.
 

Tip:
Be a smart woman—rehearse your talk with the selected employee. What are the 3 objections or worries she may mention—or think about. Will she say, “I barely have enough time to get my current work done.” or “I don’t think I have the skills to do that.” Plan your reply including your confidence in her ability.
 

Further Reading:

Podcast, Working In Heels, 3 Steps To Gain More Authority: Take These Steps Towards Leadership & Authority

Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, Proof That Women Make Great Managers —Studies Show Areas Where Women Excel

Website, WomensMedia, by Ramona Creel, 10 Ways to Delegate More Effectively

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