Learn How To Say “No” Like You Mean It
Get Rid Of The “Shoulds” And Say “No” Without Guilt!
Women, we have a problem. We want everyone to like us. Each of us wants to be the perfect employee, the perfect woman, the perfect mother. The sooner we realize this is impossible, the sooner we can be on our way to shedding guilt and easing up the time trap that’s seized us. First up, we have to start saying “No.”
Let’s just deal with the workplace. Later you can take these steps from the workplace and use them in the rest of your life. First off, look around you at work. Are there certain women that seem to get extra tasks dumped on their desks? Are you one of them? Ouch! Make the decision right now that you’re changing this scenario.
Stop, look, listen, and go are the steps outlined by Colette Carlson on WomensMedia.
Stop giving an immediate “yes” to these requests. That may be part of your problem. Try saying, “I’ll get right back to you. I have to look at a few things.”
Look at the things you’ve already committed to doing. What are your priorities—what things matter most to you? Write them down. These are your goals. Is there an area that you’ve been neglecting? If this extra task does not fit into your priorities, say “no” and plan on using the extra time for your neglected area. Wouldn’t that make you feel better about yourself? As they say on TV, “You deserve it!”
Listen to your feelings. Are you feeling excited or burdened? Acknowledge how you feel and sift through the reasons. Is this one of the yucky I-Should-Do-It tasks? Don’t you have way too many of those? Go back to your list of goals and add one more item at the end: I will reduce the number of Shoulds I take on each week. Now there’s a goal that will immediately ease up your time constraints. And it’ll reduce your guilt, because, hey, you’re meeting your goals. Who can feel guilty about that?
Go with integrity. After you’ve listened to your feelings and analyzed your priorities, what are you going to say? You’re going to give a simple answer without elaboration. Try blaming it on time, “Time won’t allow that.” Or, “I’ve looked over my commitments and I don’t have the time.” The trick is not to go on after that. When we begin to elaborate, we give the other person a chance to create some wiggle room. I know it’s uncomfortable, but go for the dead silence after your “No I can’t do it.” Excuse yourself because, of course, you have to run off to take care of one of those prior commitments.
2 Tips:
1. Avoid giving wishy-washy answers. Saying, “I’ll try to be there.” when you really should be saying “No” is not doing anyone a favor. At the time, you’re probably thinking it’s an easy out, but it’s hurting your reputation as a reliable person.
2. If there’s someone who has asked you more than once to do something you don’t really want to do, you need to put a stop to his or her efforts. Do this by telling the truth, “I don’t enjoy doing that.” When you think about it, who can argue about that?
Further Reading:
Podcast, Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Why Do We Have Mars-Venus Communication, and Why Is Mars More Powerful?
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, How To Get A Handle On Time —Don’t Let Time Ruin Your Work-Life Balance
Website, WomensMedia, by Colette Carlson, A Four-Step Formula for Saying “No!”
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