Don’t Hurt His Masculinity
 
 
I’ve told you before, women don’t have it easy—it’s not a level playing field out there at work. Men do have it much easier, but that’s no reason to ignore their difficulties! In fact, ignoring their difficulties can cause a world of trouble for you!
 
Little boys have been raised to believe that to be masculine is to act strong, take charge, tell others what to do, and push and shove when necessary to make a point.
 
A grown man still harbors his little boy upbringing and goes into his push and shove routine when challenged at work. Women have to understand that this is a type of game between the “boys.” It’s mysterious to us to see men shouting at each other in a meeting and then going out for a drink—laughing—after work. Note to women: We’d be better off to adopt this attitude instead of the lengthy, moping “You aren’t my friend anymore” behavior.
 
I’ve been in the working world long enough to know that when a woman challenges a man she should be careful how she does this, especially if it’s being observed by others. If you take a blatant stab at his masculinity, the other guys will say, or think, “Oooh, that girl  got you!”  The man will become defensive and may try to shoot you down.
 
In Seducing the Boys Club, Nina DiSesa gives this advice:  “For me, men have always been higher-maintenance than women. I know that men believe just the opposite, but they are wrong. Men are work. For instance, it takes more time to make an impression with men than with women. It would be a lot faster if I didn’t worry about bruising their masculine pride, but I always worry about that. And I encourage other women to worry about it as well. There is nothing more dangerous than a wounded bull, especially if you are the one who made him bleed.”
 
What’s a woman to do? I don’t advocate sitting silently in a meeting when a man is spouting bad information. Way too many women are currently sitting silently in meetings as it is. I want you to speak up—with care. My tip of the week deals with this topic.
 
 
Tip:
Let’s suppose Jim has taken over the meeting and you don’t agree with his message. It doesn’t agree with the studies you’ve seen and will lead your company in the wrong direction. If you want to be safe, you could say, “Jim, you probably haven’t had time to see the marketing report I just read. It gives statistics showing we’d increase our revenue using a different method. Do you want me to get that to you?” The ball is now in his court. He could decide to say “No” and defy the marketing department, or he could say “Yes” and ask you to get the report to him. It’s your chance to say, “Sure, I’ll get that to you …right away. Meanwhile I’ll summarize the information for everyone in this meeting. My take on the results show X. And I think the best way to proceed using this information is to do Y. I’ll put together an email on all this and get it to everyone later today.”  Enough said. You didn’t wound the bull—and he didn’t gore you!
 
It’s time for men and women to work together—peacefully and equally. Now get out there and make that happen!
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, When You Want Men To Listen To You—You Have To Resort To Trickery

Podcast (always less than 10 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Episode 1 – Listen To This First —See Why The Time Is Right For Women In Business
 
Podcast (always less than 10 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Communication: Nature Or Nurture?  —Why Do We Have Mars-Venus Communication, And Why Is Mars More Powerful?
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Promoting Women Increases The Bottom Line— Fortune 500 Companies Recognize A Good Thing!
 
Website, WomensMedia, by Hilary M. Lips, Women and Leadership: The Delicate Balancing Act
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Tags: working, women, business, career, gender, differences, DiSesa