Communicate Without Losing Your Authority
Assertive, Not Aggressive, Works Best For Women
Women know how important communication is—and sometimes just knowing that causes a problem. Let’s say you’re anxious about talking with someone under your supervision. He, or she, is not doing the job as you’d like. You need to point out the problems, but you’re worried about coming on too strong—too aggressive, and you’re worried about the employee’s reaction. In a effort to minimize repercussions, we often add a few sentences here . . . and a few sentences there . . . and pretty soon, the message is lost.
We all realize men can get away with aggressive statements more often than women. We’re sensitive to that “cultural inequity.” We can live with that. We don’t want to be abrasive, but we do want to be assertive and have our message understood and followed—without bloodshed.
The advice is don’t try to soften your statement by getting too wordy. Here’s what you should do. Take a second to think of the main message as if this were a newspaper article: There’s a Problem With the Marketing Report. Start your remarks with that message. Next, you give the 1st supporting point to your message, then the 2nd, and if you need more, the 3rd point.
If you’re the type of woman who wants to start this type of conversation with a pleasant compliment, then the Tip of the Week is a must for you!
Tip:
So, are you the type of woman who wants to start this type of problem conversation with a pleasant compliment? If so, you probably feel comfortable starting with, “I’m happy with the way you do X.” Then, you plan to go into, “But I have a problem with Y.”
This is the sandwich mode and you have to be careful to judge the audience in advance. There’s a gender divide here. You can use this with most women, and with only those most sensitive men. When you use it with most men, they hear the “happy with you” and then “blah, blah, blah.” Nah, it’s not exactly that bad, but I couldn’t resist! When you get wordy with a man, he’s on alert until he hears “happy” and then he relaxes and may not get the point that this is an important communication about a problem concerning him. If you’ve made the mistake of going to the sandwich mode and see his eyes start to glaze over, you’d better scramble to bring the audience back to the problem.
You’ll need to end the conversation with a reiteration of the problem, what needs to be done to correct it, and when this is to be completed and revisited. And yes, you can then smile, and maybe shake hands.
Now go out there and tailor your authority to your audience!
Further Reading:
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Communicating With Authority, Or Deferring To Men? —Why Are Smart Women Deferring To Men?
Podcast (always less than 10 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Episode 1 - Listen To This First —See Why The Time Is Right For Women In Business
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Powerful Communication For Women —How To Change “I Speak Like A Girl” to “I Know What I’m Talking About”
Website, WomensMedia, by Hilary M. Lips, Women and Leadership: The Delicate Balancing Act
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