Don’t Wait! Be A Smart Woman And  Interrupt.
 
 
You may also be interested in:  When Men Won’t Listen To You —You Have To Resort To Trickery.

Are you waiting for a lull in the conversation so you won’t seem rude? I bet that little voice in the back of your head is repeating, “Nice girls don’t interrupt! Wait your turn.” Don’t do that—you’ll miss the ideal time to make your point. You’ve probably noticed men interrupt each other all the time. And have you noticed they interrupt women even more often? Well it’s true.
 
I interviewed Madeleine Albright—the first U.S. female Secretary Of State—and asked her for her #1 piece of advice for working women. She said, “I tell women to act in a more confident manner. You need to learn to interrupt. Ask questions when they occur to you and don’t wait to ask. Also, you don’t need to ask permission to ask a question.”  Albright raised her three daughters with this good advice.

In addition to speaking up when a good idea occurs to you, you need to learn how to keep people from interrupting you. Say, “I’m not finished,” or hold your hand up like a stop sign near your face—or do both together.

There’s another reason men may interrupt you. Men often look for a vulnerable person to spar with. They’re testing you by disagreeing with you.  If they succeed, they feel they’re One-Up—and that’s a big game. A woman is a likely target, so be prepared for a jousting match. Expect to be challenged and handle it well:  Don’t be defensive; don’t be emotional; do restate or add more supporting facts (as in, “You probably aren’t aware of the new study that shows …”). If you remain calm, you win the game—even though you probably didn’t want to play that game. If he’s still dragging out more jabs, you might consider turning your attention to another man (as in, “Paul, you’re aware of that new study, aren’t you?”).

Now, here’s the Tip of the Week.
 
Tip:  Be one of the first people to start talking. You’ll more likely be perceived as dominant and in control of the conversation. Don’t talk too fast—this makes it sound as if you expect to be interrupted. When it happens and you are interrupted, hold your hand up slightly and say, “Just a minute.” If the same person immediately tries again, say, “Jim, just a minute, please.”
 
Now get out there and interrupt as if you had as much right to as the guys. Wait a minute, you do!
 
 
Further Reading:
Podcast (always less than 10 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Communication Differences:  Looking Through The Male Lens
—Why Did He Take That The Wrong Way? or read it here.
 
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Communicate Without Losing Your Authority —Assertive, Not Aggressive, Works Best For Women

Website, WomensMedia, by Nancy Clark, Interview with Madeleine Albright: Advice for Working Women —The First Female U.S. Secretary of State

Website, WomensMedia, by Nancy Clark, Gender in Business: When Women Are Not Heard
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Tags: interrupting, communication, women, business, career, success, gender, differences

Can We Talk About A Female Brain Advantage? Nah, Better Not. I Can Settle For “Equal.”
 
 
Come on—we’ve always known we’re different from men. But admit it, it hasn’t seemed like a good idea to talk about this in the past. I’ll be the first to admit that I used to insist women and men were the same, because, in my mind, this meant “as good as men.”
 
Newsweek’s article. Why Girls Will Be Girls, mentions the work of neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine who delineates the differences found in the female brain. These are physical differences as well as hormonal. In the Nature-Nurture debate, some people argue that Nurture can make such a huge impact that you can attribute gender differences to Nurture alone. Any woman who has experienced childbirth can attest to the not-too-minor effects of hormones!
 
Let’s admit the differences—and recognize the benefits. And, the Good News is, NOW is the right time to say these differences are OK. Here’s the evidence for this perfect timing.
 
Point #1:  Women are half the U.S. workforce. That pipeline we were told needed to be filled before women advanced in the workplace—well, it has been filled. Women account for 46.5 percent of today’s workers, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. This percentage is up from only 33.9 percent in 1950.
 
Point #2:  Women are half of our companies’ managers, as confirmed by a recent Catalyst report.
 
Point #3:  Women are rated slightly higher than men as managers, as detailed in this Women’s Lunch Talk on Proof That Women Make Great Managers. 
 
Point #4:  Some of those Female Differences are exactly what flexible businesses need today— collaborative leadership, relationship skills, sharing of information, and comfort with ambiguity. For more on this, see this Women’s Lunch Talk posting on Female Behavior Traits.
 
Point #5:  And if your company is looking for skilled employees, women are now 60% of the college graduates.
 
I have three more points I could mention, but why overdo a good thing? (I can’t resist . . . women are starting businesses at twice the rate of men, corporate financial success is linked to more women in upper management, women hold 80% of the consumer market.)
 
 
Tip:  If you agree that it’s time for women to stop being treated with second-class employee status, let people in your company know these Good News facts. And, if they’re interested in the financial upside of promoting more women to upper management, refer them to the BusinessWeek report that shows corporate financial success linked to more women in upper management of Fortune 500 companies.  
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Nature vs. Nurture
—Men and Women: Different But Equal
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Stereotypes Hold Women Back —Those Little Put-Downs Really Do Add Up! or read it here.
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Communication: Nature Or Nurture?  —Why Do We Have Mars-Venus Communication, And Why Is Mars More Powerful? or read it here.

Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Build Your Business Network —Build Your Business Network One Event At A Time

Website, WomensMedia, by Bonita Banducci, Equality and Equity— Equal and Different
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Tags: career, business, women, female, brain, gender, differences

The Secret To Saving Precious Time:  Avoid Perfection
 
 
 
I like to include the latest research whenever I can so you’ll feel confident when you buck conventional wisdom. However, perfection is tough to measure. If you want the truth, you only have to ask yourself, “Am I guilty of thinking my work is not good enough because it’s not perfect?” Whenever you answer “yes,” I want you to put time above perfection on your priority list and take another look.
 
Sometimes that 2-page report is sufficient for the task and that 76-page rendition you could deliver would set you back in three ways.
 
1.  The first is that you would be using up time that could be put on a high visibility or a high return item, such as acquiring a new client for your company.
 
2.  The second setback—which happens all too often to women—is that your company will assign this task to you permanently since they know no one else would want to do the next 76-pager.
 
3.   And the third setback is that higher up execs will think, “She’s one of those Busy-Work Women.” That certainly creates an image, and it’s not the image you should be striving for.
 
Are you going to have a problem letting go of perfection? I bet quite a few of you are. If so, do not under any circumstances, present a report with a disclaimer, such as, “I just didn’t have enough time to do a good job.” Chances are it was good enough. Chances are other employees would not have done a better job. Chances are after hearing your disclaimer, everyone will be looking for evidence of a lousy report. And what you look for, you usually find.

Now, here’s my Tip of the Week.
 
 
Tip: 
 
Don’t give anyone a reason to label you as a Busy-Work Woman. Keep your attention on the other side of the coin: You are an Important-Work Woman who cares about time, strategy, and moving ahead with new business ideas.
 
Next time you’re assigned a task that sets your Perfection Worry Center on alert, stop, take a breath, and start the Perfection Cancellation Process. Here it is:
 
Talk to your boss soon after the task has been assigned. Remind him, or her, of your other higher priority tasks and make it known that you’ll do a good job, but won’t sacrifice these other tasks because of a time crunch. See if he agrees. I bet he will and you’ll be off the self-imposed Perfection Hook.
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Learn How To Say “No” Like You Mean It —Get Rid Of The “Shoulds” And Say “No” Without Guilt!
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Powerful Body Language For Working Women —Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Communication: Nature Or Nurture?  —Why Do We Have Mars-Venus Communication, And Why Is Mars More Powerful?! or read it here.

Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Are Women As Competitive As Men? —Do Women Avoid Competition?

Website, WomensMedia, by Pat Heim with Susan Golant, Making the Most of Criticism and Praise
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Tags: perfection, career, business, women, time, management

How To Cancel A Limiting Stereotype
 
 
Starting out in rocket science and computer technology, I was often the only woman in the room.
That’s another way of saying, the stereotype others had of me didn’t fit with the group. I was well aware of these assumptions.
 
I’ll bet you’ve had the feeling—at one time or another—that people have stuck a stereotype or label on you that made you out to be less than you are.
 
You may have felt like an outsider to their groups.
In their minds they could be thinking: 

• not important,
• not educated,
• not capable,
• not assertive,
• it could even be, “Oh, she’s a mother.” and further questions might end right there.

You can see how this limits the opportunities a person is willing to offer you.
 
It’s not a good feeling when it’s directed at you, is it? Why do these stereotypes keep popping up? Unfortunately, each of us has a little bucket in our brain that acts like an autopilot to help us survive. This would have been a good idea a long time ago, when you were being chased by a fast 4-legged creature with big teeth out on the Pleistocene Plain.
 
But today, this bucket is full of quite a few wrong assumptions.
 
Well the next question we need to ask is:  How do stereotypes die?
 
Let’s take a look at how scientists say a stereotype disappears in your brain.
1.  A stereotype disappears when it’s popped up enough times and you’ve been proven wrong
 
—or—
 
2.  A stereotype disappears when you’ve been terribly, terribly wrong—as in embarrassingly wrong.
 
What can you do to counter a negative (incorrect) stereotype about yourself that might pop up when you meet someone new? You know, when someone assumes you are less than you really are.
 
Here’s my Tip of the Week, which deals with this.
 
 
Tip: 
           
This is unpleasant to think about, but you need to do this exercise once. You must think of how others might be stereotyping you. What negative or incorrect assumptions do you think they may be making? Yucky mental game, isn’t it? Well, this is all for your benefit.
 
After you pinpoint the stereotypes and labels, work up a few sub-comments to add when you introduce yourself to someone new. These sub-comments should be designed to directly contradict what the other person might be thinking. Trust your intuition as to which one would be most beneficial in each situation.
 
You can also do this with a stereotype-breaking action—you can go out of your way to be
more reasonable, more helpful, more intelligent than the other person might expect.
 
Don’t be naïve—be prepared! Now, get out there and cancel those stereotypes, one by one!
 
 
Further Reading:
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, She’s Probably Not Important! —Don’t Let This Stereotype Happen To You
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Can Television Change Stereotypes? —Should We Thank Cashmere Mafia & Lipstick Jungle?
 
Podcast (just a few minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Stereotypes Hold Women Back —Those Little Put-Downs Really Do Add Up! or read it here.

Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, How Bad Is The Gender Gap At Work? —Do We Still Have A Glass Ceiling Because Of Stereotypes?

Website, WomensMedia, by Debra Condren, Ignore the Ambition Double Standard
You Can Love Your Job and Love Your Life
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Tags: career, business, women, stereotype,