Career and Marriage?
Women Can Have It All
The news today: You can successfully have both a career and a marriage. Remember how quickly newspapers were to report that a career and marriage don’t mix? If you waited to start your career before getting married, you had a good chance of ending up in the Spinster Category.
Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families, reports that marriage has changed more in the last 30 years than it did in the last 300. What are the facts now? It used to be that women believed if they didn’t get married early, they might miss the boat. In the 1950’s, the average age of marriage for women was 20, with the most women marrying at age 18. There were very few first marriages after age 24. Coontz states, “This is a different world than the 1950s. The average age at first marriage for women is now almost 26. For women with a B.A. it is more than 27, and for women with master’s or professional degrees it is 30. And there is huge variation within each average, so that more women now marry for the first time in their 40s, 50s and even 60s than ever before in history.”
Speaking of the 1950’s, what about Find-A-Rich-Old-Guy-To-Marry? Studies (especially one involving 37 countries by Alice Eagly of Northwestern University and Wendy Wood of Duke University) show there’s no truth to this IF women have access to resources. And a woman with a career certainly has resources. They don’t choose older “provider” males. They look for mates who are kind, intelligent, and who bond well with children.
The divorce rate has changed too. It has gone down for college-educated women and up for other women. University of Michigan sociologist Hiromi Ono found that a woman who has no income is more likely to divorce than a woman with earnings.
What about the happiness factor? A University of California-Berkeley study found that at age 43 homemakers were more depressed and frustrated than working women. Working women had higher self-esteem and were happier.
So, the news today is: You can successfully have both a career and a marriage. And, guess what, you may end up happier, richer, and un-divorced.
Tip: You know you’re a smart working woman. And now you have the facts that show you can have both a career and a marriage—and probably be happier. What I propose is that you handle the prenuptial discussions like a business meeting. Talk about the hours that will be cubbyholed for household, social, and career tasks. Who will do what? Or will the hours be divided? Will you review how successfully this division is working—monthly or weekly? It doesn’t sound romantic, but you know it’s good advice.
Further Reading:
Newsweek, Stephanie Coontz, Three ‘Rules’ That Don’t Apply
WomensMedia, Susan Nash, Relating: Quality Time Together
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I think the Univ. of California study you refer to also found that women who stop work to start a family, are more depressed at age 43 than women who had never worked. Through personal experience I think this is because when the kids no longer need you, you know you could be doing and accomplishing so much more. When this hit me, I started my own business. It worked wonders.
Comment by susanwest — August 21, 2006 @ 5:47 pm