How To Change “I Speak Like A Girl” to “I Know What I’m Talking About”
 
 
Perhaps you’re that rare woman who proved immune to the nature-nurture pressures to Speak Like A Girl. Chances are you succumbed and now are realizing how much you want to pull yourself up to the I Know What I’m Talking About status. These pressures show up in a variety of communication differences between men and women. Deborah Tannen in You Don’t Understand explains that men use “report talk” to give information that enhances their power while women tend to use “rapport talk” to give information that helps build relationships. Women usually come out ahead in relationship-building communication—and that’s okay. What’s not okay is how we lose out sounding like a leader or an expert. We’re giving away our power in business.
 
Little boys grow up playing together in groups where it’s of the utmost importance to try to work your way up the hierarchy. When it’s a verbal rather than a physical match, they’ll try for the Put Down. If they’re successful, they’ve climbed one rung higher up the ladder. Little girls hear the admonishment, “Everybody get along. Don’t be bossy.” If you follow the rules, you try hard to pull up the girl who’s having a difficult time, and use subtle pressures to ensure that the bossy girl gets pulled down a rung. We’re All Equal Here is the goal. It’s not going to help us to try to place the blame on nature or nurture. We have a problem to solve:  Women are losing out in business. Women are now half of our workforce—46.5% to be exact—and only 16% of upper management. And that’s a huge discrepancy!
 
In future weeks, I’ll talk about other communication techniques that will help us succeed. This week, let’s concentrate on learning how to sound like I Know What I’m Talking About.
 
Tip:  The next time you’re in a meeting and the discussion starts coming around to an area of interest to you, speak up right away. Studies show men talk more—and longer—in meetings than women. That fact alone makes them look more like experts. Assume the floor and forbid yourself from uttering the phrase “I think.” If you were going to say, “I think marketing needs to work more closely with advertising.” change that to “Marketing needs to work more closely with advertising.”
 
Now something is probably going to happen next in the meeting that could throw you off balance. If you expect it, it won’t. What’s going to happen is a man is going to challenge what you said. They do this to each other, but research shows they do this more to women. Have 2 or 3 facts ready to support what you said. Deliver them in bullet-points (for easy digestion), without any anger or defensiveness (meaning I’m not an overly emotional woman), and in a manner that doesn’t cause him to lose face in public (so avoid the “I guess you didn’t read the survey results.” comment). 
 
Making a Difference
Find another woman to be your Expert Buddy. Plan your comments and supporting facts the day before a meeting. Agree to help monitor the “I think” comments. When you become proficient, each of could take on a new buddy. Let’s make the workplace better for everyone.
 
 
Further Reading:
Website, WomensMedia, by Victoria Simon and Holly Pedersen,  Communicating with Men at Work
Website, WomensMedia, by Randy Siegel, Use Communication Strength in Business
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Tags: working, women, business, success, gender, communication, differences