Women Need To Ask At 3 Levels
Learn To Ask And Appreciate
The saying “Nice girls don’t ask!” is yesterday’s advice for business.
Today’s advice is “Women ask, and ask, and appreciate what they get.”
—Nancy Clark
As I mentioned in my earlier posting, men ask for things eight times more often than women. That’s proof that we’ve learned the lesson Nice Girls Don’t Ask only too well. It’s time to throw out this obsolete adage. It’s time to master asking at three levels.
The first level is asking for non-financial items. Watch the guys on this one because they’ve gotten very good at finding clever things to ask for. At WomensMedia, we’ve received hundreds of examples. For instance, Cheryl was organizing a combined presentation for several branches of a banking firm. “I sent out a speaking agenda that made sense to me.” she said. “Men immediately started phoning me: ‘I must speak before Jim!’—‘Jack can’t talk before me!’—‘My branch is older and larger, so I have to speak first!’” Cheryl started bending one way and then the other; she couldn’t make anyone happy and she was miserable. She had even decided she’d speak last just to show the feuding parties that she didn’t care about positioning.
She asked for my advice. I told her to stick with her original agenda, and to confirm the fact, suggested she send it out again with an allotted speaking time next to each participant. Then when the day came, she was to take the microphone and welcome everyone and talk about what was to be accomplished and then to introduce each speaker when his time came. At the end, she was to conclude and summarize the meeting. The next day, she’d send out an email summary with requests for any new questions that now needed to be discussed. Here was her chance to organize the next presentation.
At first Cheryl was looking at the situation through the Nice Girl Lens and saying, “That’s all so petty and unimportant.” Without that lens distortion, she could see that each man knew he had a chance to improve his image by positioning, and that it wouldn’t hurt to try. That’s an example of the first level—a non-financial request.
The second level is to ask for money. It can be for a raise as I coached you previously, or it can be for a bonus tied to a benchmark that’s important to your company. Get creative here—you have a chance to name the benchmarks. Of course, it can’t be something you’re already expected to do in a regular workday. And, since I’m not in favor of letting you work even longer hours, I suggest you volunteer to organize lunch meetings with others to take care of this new effort.
The third level of asking involves your career development. At first, meet with your boss and ask him (or her) to be your advisor for your career plans. Tell him the types of projects you’d eventually like to work on. Ask if you could discuss this on a regular basis, such as every 3 months. Thank him in advance for his help. Make sure you thank him—remember, appreciation is part of this—each time he sends something your way. At the 3-month meeting, reiterate your appreciation.
Here’s the tip of the week.
Tip:
Your assignment is to start a list of Level 1 items that can be requested. Positioning at a meeting and other things that boost your image should be on it. What about office location (such as next to X), office size, equipment, special software training, etc. You get the idea. Now get creative and write a long list!
Further Reading:
Podcast (always less than 10 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Women Still Make Less Money: Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Happen To You! —Make As Much As A Man!
Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Nancy Clark, Women Need To Ask! —Men Ask More, Men Get More
Website, WomensMedia, by Michelle LaBrosse, Negotiate Your Way to Success
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