Success Through Personal Connections

It has been said, "You are only as strong as your Rolodex." Well, for most of us, a computer and a software program have replaced the Rolodex.

We establish, maintain, and utilize networks in order to build businesses, gain personal comfort and security with others, and develop personally and professionally. Networking is a two-way process. By giving to those in our network, we are more likely to receive from our network. Every networking relationship has at least four beneficiaries: you, your organization, the person with whom you are networking, and his/her organization.

Networking offers diverse benefits. These include finding life-partners, avoiding personal and financial disasters, making career changes, resolving conflicts, building businesses, meeting famous people, and more. Entering into a networking relationship with someone can provide many opportunities. Entering into a networking relationship with someone and developing it present responsibilities to the relationship and to the persons involved; however, with those responsibilities come many opportunities.

Here are 11 guiding principles and some suggestions to help you create, cultivate and reap the benefits of success through personal connections:

Seek to understand others before you seek to have them understand you. When you meet people for the first time, invest 80% of the conversation in asking them questions about themselves and their business. Talk very little about yourself and your business. Engage others in conversations. Show curiosity about them, their interests, and their work. However, take great care to avoid questions that make others feel you are interrogating them or getting too personal. Only ask questions of others that you would be willing to answer yourself. Follow this rule and you will avoid embarrassing situations.
Build relationships; the network will follow. Networking is about building lasting relationships with little or no known expectations. When you begin to approach networking with the purpose of getting someone to buy a product or service, you are no longer networking. You are selling. Don’t confuse the two. Encourage others to reach their dreams and goals. By helping others achieve their goals, you will get to know them better, possibly use your network to help them, and create an endearing "networkship" (that’s a friend in your network). The payoff will come through the success of others.
Generously share your network with others. Constantly seek to understand the needs of others and link them with people in your network who have a solution. Sometimes the people in your network are not the immediate solution to another person’s needs, but through their network they can find a solution. Ask people in your network whom they want to meet. Help them by taking them to lunch or coffee or by introducing them at a networking event. Create a hub around you which other networks are connected.
Be yourself; be authentic; be confident. Being self-confident and self-assured is essential to networking, even for the most outgoing individuals. Think of yourself as a product or resource that others need. Approach networking as a way of investing in others. This investment from your resource bank will grow through your connections. This does require you to know who you are. Believe in your work. Believe in your organization. Believe in yourself. If you don’t, how can others? Work with a professional coach who will support you in your networking skill development.
Treasure your network as you would a delicate possession that needs care and attention. Each person you meet is working on a project, raising money for a cause, or dealing with some personal or professional issue. As a good networker, your goal should be to identify the need and help your new contact find a solution. Identify at least one thing you can do to follow up with all new contacts. This may mean sending them a recent article on a subject of common interest, passing along a greeting to a mutual friend, or connecting them with someone in your network. You can also send them a note saying how pleased you are to have met them. Use this follow-up as a way of reconnecting with the person you have just met and do it within 48 hours.
Be prepared to tell others about yourself. Be prepared with a self-introduction. This is your "elevator statement." You should have a 30-second introduction that tells who you are, what you do, whom you work for or represent, and the impact of your work. Be comfortable bragging about what you have done without being too boastful. Tell your story. Let others know of your accomplishments. Be a gracious recipient of praise. Accept praise and deflect it to others who are involved in helping you to be successful. Always carry your business card, making sure your business card looks as professional as you care to be remembered.
Recognize others; don’t be afraid to say "Thank You." Read daily newspapers and trade publications and send letters of congratulations to people who achieve milestones and deserve admiration. When people in your network have realized a personal or professional success, they have probably worked hard and they deserve to be recognized. If you don’t get a contract or a job, or close a sale, send the person a thank-you note anyway. This will position you as a gracious person. Thank that person for taking time to meet with you and to consider you and/or your proposal. Carry thank-you notes with you so that you can write quick notes after you meet someone. Promptly writing a courtesy note or a thank-you not will create a lasting positive impression.
Be trustworthy; earn and give respect. Build and maintain a positive reputation. Do no wrong. If you do, correct it immediately. Be above reproach. Do unto others as you would do for yourself.
Be generous to others; what you give will be returned. You are probably familiar with the idea of focusing on WIIFM - "What’s In It For Me." In networking, however, the "me" is really "them." So to be successful, you need to stay focused on WIIFT - "What’s In It For THEM." Always consider what you can do for others. Pay close attention to the needs, desires, and interest of individuals in your network. The payback will come. Be patient. Be focused on other people.
Continuously improve your networking skills. Networking has been an integral part of being effective and efficient in business and in life for a long time. Building, maintaining, and improving your network and your networking skills are keys to success. It is a constant and evolving process. Identify people for your network who are excellent at networking. Add them to your network and learn from them. What events do they attend? Whom do they know? How do they handle themselves? How do they support others?
Delight in knowing people.

John Bennett, MPA, CMC, is president of Lawton Associates, an organizational development firm specializing in helping individuals and organizations prepare for, excel through, and improve from change. He is a consultant, executive coach, speaker, trainer and author. You can contact him at (704) 660-6000 or www.lawton-assoc.com.