To Brag Or Not To Brag?
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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter)
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It’s not bragging if you can back it up.
—Muhammad Ali
Ali can get away with bragging but we women can’t. We must walk a fine line between informative self-promotion and outright bragging. Most of us have been raised on the little girl admonitions, “It’s not nice to brag!” and “Who does she think she is?” As long as these sayings are still playing in your mental background, you’ll feel uncomfortable when you know you’re bragging. And when you’re uncomfortable, other people focus on your discomfort. You don’t want that! The secret I can tell you is how to promote yourself just short of bragging. And that’s something you probably do want.
You need to self-promote—even if you’re not interviewing for a job. As you meet people they’re going to form split-second impressions of you. If you’re a woman, that may tend toward the sister, wife, mother, girlfriend, low-level employee, or helper images. Remember this and craft something in the beginning of a conversation that sets them in the right direction. I’ll tell you 2 simple ways to craft it in the tips of the week.
Meanwhile, for the guys who tell me they read this blog, women are not impressed the same way men are. For instance, men are often impressed when another man mentions his car by brand. Or, as I saw, a man left his Ferrari keys on the table during an entire dinner. For women, this type of display is too blatant. We don’t feel we should do it; we won’t allow other women to easily do it; and we see through it when men do it. You know, maybe we should ease up. Or not. On the other hand, women, if you’re talking only to men, you can take it up a notch without worry. Mention the private jet business trip you took, even if it was ages ago, and watch the men’s heads swivel around. Same thing with the 6-figure and 7-figure contracts your company is involved with. It will earn you respect. Just don’t try it with women.
Here’s my Women in Business Tip of the Week. Actually, there’s two this week!
Tip 1:
Rather than saying, “I have …,” or “I can do …,” the secret is finding an item in the conversation that relates to your accomplishment. Then start with something like, “I learned X when I was faced with a problem at IBM. I had to…” Talking about what you learned or experienced keeps you just short of bragging—right where you want to be.
Tip 2:
You know how comfortable you feel when you’re telling someone about a memorable vacation you took? I want you to take a piece of paper, right now, and jot down a list of items from your life or career that are memorable, including a few that are impressive. I want you to craft what Peggy Klaus calls a “bragalogue.” Pretend you’re writing a screenplay that only includes the good parts. OK, throw in a couple missteps to show your humility (we still are expected to be somewhat humble) and to show your sense of humor. This is now Your Story—a story you enjoy talking about.
Now, get out there and tell Your Story!
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See our related article: How to Get Out of Your Own Way —5 Strategies for Thinking Outside the Box