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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter)
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 To Brag Or Not To Brag: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s not bragging if you can back it up.
—Muhammad Ali

Ali can get away with bragging but we women can’t. We must walk a fine line between informative self-promotion and outright bragging. Most of us have been raised on the little girl admonitions, “It’s not nice to brag!” and “Who does she think she is?”  As long as these sayings are still playing in your mental background, you’ll feel uncomfortable when you know you’re bragging. And when you’re uncomfortable, other people focus on your discomfort. You don’t want that! The secret I can tell you is how to promote yourself just short of bragging. And that’s something you probably do want.

You need to self-promote—even if you’re not interviewing for a job. As you meet people they’re going to form split-second impressions of you. If you’re a woman, that may tend toward the sister, wife, mother, girlfriend, low-level employee, or helper images. Remember this and craft something in the beginning of a conversation that sets them in the right direction. I’ll tell you 2 simple ways to craft it in the tips of the week.

Meanwhile, for the guys who tell me they read this blog, women are not impressed the same way men are. For instance, men are often impressed when another man mentions his car by brand. Or, as I saw, a man left his Ferrari keys on the table during an entire dinner. For women, this type of display is too blatant. We don’t feel we should do it; we won’t allow other women to easily do it; and we see through it when men do it. You know, maybe we should ease up. Or not. On the other hand, women, if you’re talking only to men, you can take it up a notch without worry. Mention the private jet business trip you took, even if it was ages ago, and watch the men’s heads swivel around. Same thing with the 6-figure and 7-figure contracts your company is involved with. It will earn you respect. Just don’t try it with women.

Here’s my Women in Business Tip of the Week. Actually, there’s two this week!

Tip 1:
Rather than saying, “I have …,” or “I can do …,” the secret is finding an item in the conversation that relates to your accomplishment. Then start with something like, “I learned X when I was faced with a problem at IBM. I had to…”  Talking about what you learned or experienced keeps you just short of bragging—right where you want to be.

Tip 2:
You know how comfortable you feel when you’re telling someone about a memorable vacation you took? I want you to take a piece of paper, right now, and jot down a list of items from your life or career that are memorable, including a few that are impressive. I want you to craft what Peggy Klaus calls a “bragalogue.”  Pretend you’re writing a screenplay that only includes the good parts. OK, throw in a couple missteps to show your humility (we still are expected to be somewhat humble) and to show your sense of humor. This is now Your Story—a story you enjoy talking about.

Now, get out there and tell Your Story!

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

Website, WomensMedia, by Simon and Pedersen, Communicating With Men at Work

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

See our related article: How to Get Out of Your Own Way —5 Strategies for Thinking Outside the Box

Is She Too Strong? Too Pushy?

 

 Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Instead of a lawsuit, I say shine a spotlight on double standards in the workplace.

People will decide what’s not acceptable behavior.

Public opinion brings rapid change, and that’s what we anticipate.

—Nancy Clark

In the Harvard Business Review, Nancy Nichols writes, “Women who attempt to fit themselves into a managerial role by acting like men . . . are forced to behave in a sexually dissonant way. They risk being characterized as ‘too aggressive,’ or worse, just plain ‘bitchy.’ Yet women who act like ladies, speaking indirectly and showing concern for others, risk being seen as ‘ineffective.’”

Women have been caught in a double bind. We’re not part of the #1 team in business—the men’s team. That’s the situation we have today. Let’s not bemoan it—that won’t give us progress. Let’s analyze it and see where we can carve away a few more steps. Kathleen Hall Jamieson tells us, “Binds draw their power from their capacity to simplify complexity. Faced with a complicated situation or behavior, the human tendency is to split apart and dichotomize its elements. So we contrast good and bad, strong and weak, for and against, true and false, and in so doing assume that a person can’t be both at once—or somewhere in between. Such distinctions are often useful. But when this tendency drives us to see life’s options or the choices available to women as polarities and irreconcilable opposites, those differences become troublesome.” Jamieson points out that over the years women have found new options to exercise, so don’t think of yourself as permanently shackled. She states, “Put simply, over time women have learned to turn potatoes into vichyssoise.”

When I’m asked about this problem, I say, “When you see double standards for men and women in action, all you need to do is bring attention to the matter—without anger. Most people will make their own judgment that this is unfair treatment. Those who don’t are not ready to change—this week.”

I don’t promote more laws and more lawsuits as the best way to proceed. Public opinion is ready to change en masse. Instead of a lawsuit, put a spotlight on double standards. Let people decide if this is acceptable behavior. Today we’re seeing that fathers and mothers are worried about sending their daughters out into a workplace that will disappoint them, year after year, with inequities.

Debra Meyerson of Stanford University tells us that if you want to make an effort to change the use of double standards, you have to speak up. For instance, “Jack and Mary both have clients who like them. Jack is arrogant and all you do is laugh about it. But Mary is not nearly as arrogant, yet you criticize her when she does any self-promoting. Why does he get higher marks at promotion time? Doesn’t this look like we’re using double standards? Is this fair?”

Try This: Over the next week, look for instances of double standards being used for men and women in your workplace. Point out the problem without anger if possible. It’s very likely you can enlist a man to second this opinion. Honest, they’re out there ready to help!

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A related article:
WomensMedia, by Debra Meyerson, Gender in Business—Speak Up About Double Standards

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How To Make The Jump From Manager To Leader

by Nancy F. Clark (Follow her on Twitter)
See the latest on Forbes
Named one of Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

 Leadership for Women [6:23m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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“The only safe ship in a storm is leadership.”

—Faye Wattleton

What do you think it takes to move from a manager to a leader in your field? Conventional wisdom lets us believe that working hard at our assigned tasks is what’s required, but there’s a difference between being a manager and being a leader. Take a look at the table by Ellig and Morin’s below. Which category better represents how you’re operating today?

Are you a manager or a leader?

Chances are most of you will see that you’re currently operating at the manager level. There’s nothing wrong with that . . . unless you thought you were aiming to be a leader. There are steps you can take to rise to this higher level. I’ll give you my three easy steps. Consider each step as adding a garment to your daily wardrobe that you’ll be wearing to work from now on.

Step 1:  Pin down your goals and values and communicate them to others. (My tip this week is related to this.)

Step 2:  Be a visionary with new ideas—don’t accept things as they’ve always been done. Inspire others with your ideas and enthusiasm. Encourage them to speak up with their ideas and the problems they see at work. Let others know you’ll hear them out and will consider their suggestions when you make decisions. But, when you make your decisions, you’ll proceed directly to Step 3 below.

Step 3:  Be bold and assume “the buck stops here” mantle, knowing full well that this means you may have a few dissenters. You should expect this and stop trying to make everyone happy!

Here’s my tip of the week.

Tip:

Many of you have told me you appreciate it when I give you a script to work with. Here’s one for you to use when talking with higher ups in your company.

I like working for this company and my goal is to reach the leadership level in X (marketing, etc.). I would appreciate it if you consider me for any new projects, teams, or studies that deal with this.

(Now if you want to carry this conversation to a higher plane—as a leader would—add the following.)

If you’re interested, I have an idea for a survey which would provide information to benefit the company. Would you like me to email it to you and then we could meet to discuss it?

You get the idea. If you want to be a leader, add these 3 pieces of advice to your working “wardrobe.”

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

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Further Reading:

WomensMedia, by Rebecca Hourston, The 3 Most Self-Destructive Behaviors and How to Change Them

WomensMedia, by Natalie R. Manor, Leadership & Confidence
—Many Women Are Competent, but Lack Confidence

A Business Woman Can Be Careful Without Losing Her Authority

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Women in Business.

I’m sure every woman has noticed this here and there at work:  A smart woman deferring to a man who is not entirely correct—and she knows it—and he doesn’t—but he’s speaking with confidence and a loud voice. It always makes me wonder why she’s deferring to him by not speaking up.

My Women in Business Tip of the Week teaches you how to show authority with men, without ruffling any feathers.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

In another podcast, you may want to listen to How To Manage Your Project —Organize A Project With Five Easy Steps

Or on our website, WomensMedia, you may want to read 8 Tips for Fearless Communication in the Workplace

Why Are Smart Women Deferring To Men?

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

I’m sure every woman has noticed this here and there at work:  A smart woman deferring to a man who is not entirely correct—and she knows it—and he doesn’t—but he’s speaking with confidence and a loud voice. It always makes me wonder why she’s deferring to him by not speaking up.

My Tip of the Week teaches you how to stop deferring to men, and how to do it without ruffling any feathers.

 

 Communicating With Authority, Or Deferring To Men? [5:32m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Assertive, Not Aggressive, Works Best For Women

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Women know how important communication is—and sometimes just knowing that causes a problem. Let’s say you’re anxious about talking with someone under your supervision. He, or she, is not doing the job as you’d like. You need to point out the problems, but you’re worried about coming on too strong—too aggressive, and you’re worried about the employee’s reaction. In a effort to minimize repercussions, we often add a few sentences here . . . and a few sentences there . . . and pretty soon, the message is lost.

 

 Communicate Without Losing Your Authority [5:07m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Take These Steps Towards Leadership & Authority

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Do you want to have more authority at work? Do you want to act like a leader and have others perceive you as leadership material? Well, these 3 steps will set you on your way.

 

 3 Steps to Gain More Authority [6:45m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download