Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message

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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter & Nancy Clark on Google Plus)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

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Do you want to improve the first impression you make? Do you want people to consider you as capable as a man working in the same field? As a woman, you have to pay more attention to the impression you’re making because you have to overcome the initial stereotype that pops up in the other person’s mind when then think, “Oh, it’s a woman.”

In my podcast, I talk about components outside of body language that you must attend to. Pay attention to those and add to your repertoire a good knowledge of body language. It’s an important component of the amount of authority you receive. In fact, it accounts for more than half of what’s learned in a conversation. Don’t you want people to learn that you’re confident, competent, and sincere? If you answered “yes,” then keep reading and I’ll tell you how.

Entering a Room

If you’re walking in with others, try to walk in first. This makes a powerful impression on the people already in the room. If you’re on your own entering a room full of people, walk in the door, stand to the side and quickly survey the room to plan where you’ll go. Perhaps there’s a group of people you could walk over to and meet—in lieu of high-tailing it over to your familiar clan. Or, if you see a group of higher-ups, take this opportunity to walk over and ask them a question related to business. Ewww, is that out of your comfort zone? Here’s how to do it:  Approach the group and stand a little outside of their circle and smile, wait for a lull in the conversation, and I bet someone will say hello.

The Handshake

As a woman, you can’t get away with the advice given to men for a powerful handshake. That’s the one where he puts his hand out palm down and dominates the shake. My advice is for you to be the first one to put your right hand out, thumb facing up. It’s important to be the first because that’s powerful, but more importantly, because men often don’t know if you’ll be okay with a handshake. Let him know you are. Also, face him directly—not at an angle, which looks tentative and unsure. Grip his hand firmly and fully—not any of this fingertip stuff. Smile, look in his eyes, and say something.

Powerful Speaking

If possible, be the first person to talk. As you’re talking, try pausing now and then. It makes the impression that you’re powerful and controlling the conversation. One caveat here:  If there’s a man present who likes to interrupt women, forget the pausing and use the “just a minute” hand gesture in his direction.

Blinking & Nodding

Just saying those 2 words sounds powerless. Try not to blink too often—it signals nervousness. Try not to nod as often as you do with a group of women. We women like to reassure each other that we’re listening, so we nod. Curtain this body language with men. They take it to mean that we’re either in total agreement with their ideas, or we’re weak and doing the frightened doggie Don’t-Attack-Me stance.

Smiling

Here’s the double-edged sword:  People expect women to smile more often than men. When you don’t smile quite enough, you get saddled with the She’s Not Nice label. So go ahead with some smiling but NOT when you disagree with what someone is saying, and NOT when you’re being verbally attacked. Many women have the habit of smiling when they’re uncomfortable—and when you’re ideas are being attacked, you’re uncomfortable. On a related topic from my podcast on Gender Stereotypes, I was asked if I’d advise a woman to frown when she’s on the receiving end of a put-down. My reply was that a firm, stern look goes over better than a Frowning Woman look.

Fidgeting

Imagine if you were videoed for a day at work. Would we see you twirling or fixing your hair, picking at your nails, rubbing your face, fiddling with paperclips, or tapping pens? There are 2 reasons for these actions:  You’re either trying to get rid of all that nervous energy, or you’re reassuring yourself that maybe you’re going to be okay—but you’re not sure. Those are 2 Powerless Messages. Stop it!

Tip:

You can add power by taking control of your body language. You may not be as tall as the men in your workplace, but you can still use positioning to your advantage. Take advantage of opportunities to stand up when others are seated. Occupy your space by putting your arms out on the chair or the table—look bigger and more powerful. When you’re sitting, don’t let your hands or feet dangle, don’t slouch back, but sit up tall and lean forward and look others in the eye. You can do that.  Now get to it!

Also see:  Presenting for Success: Simple Strategies to Add Confidence and Credibility to Your Next Presentation

Be sure to visit WomensMedia to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

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Is She Too Strong? Too Pushy?

 

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Instead of a lawsuit, I say shine a spotlight on double standards in the workplace.

People will decide what’s not acceptable behavior.

Public opinion brings rapid change, and that’s what we anticipate.

—Nancy Clark

In the Harvard Business Review, Nancy Nichols writes, “Women who attempt to fit themselves into a managerial role by acting like men . . . are forced to behave in a sexually dissonant way. They risk being characterized as ‘too aggressive,’ or worse, just plain ‘bitchy.’ Yet women who act like ladies, speaking indirectly and showing concern for others, risk being seen as ‘ineffective.’”

Women have been caught in a double bind. We’re not part of the #1 team in business—the men’s team. That’s the situation we have today. Let’s not bemoan it—that won’t give us progress. Let’s analyze it and see where we can carve away a few more steps. Kathleen Hall Jamieson tells us, “Binds draw their power from their capacity to simplify complexity. Faced with a complicated situation or behavior, the human tendency is to split apart and dichotomize its elements. So we contrast good and bad, strong and weak, for and against, true and false, and in so doing assume that a person can’t be both at once—or somewhere in between. Such distinctions are often useful. But when this tendency drives us to see life’s options or the choices available to women as polarities and irreconcilable opposites, those differences become troublesome.” Jamieson points out that over the years women have found new options to exercise, so don’t think of yourself as permanently shackled. She states, “Put simply, over time women have learned to turn potatoes into vichyssoise.”

When I’m asked about this problem, I say, “When you see double standards for men and women in action, all you need to do is bring attention to the matter—without anger. Most people will make their own judgment that this is unfair treatment. Those who don’t are not ready to change—this week.”

I don’t promote more laws and more lawsuits as the best way to proceed. Public opinion is ready to change en masse. Instead of a lawsuit, put a spotlight on double standards. Let people decide if this is acceptable behavior. Today we’re seeing that fathers and mothers are worried about sending their daughters out into a workplace that will disappoint them, year after year, with inequities.

Debra Meyerson of Stanford University tells us that if you want to make an effort to change the use of double standards, you have to speak up. For instance, “Jack and Mary both have clients who like them. Jack is arrogant and all you do is laugh about it. But Mary is not nearly as arrogant, yet you criticize her when she does any self-promoting. Why does he get higher marks at promotion time? Doesn’t this look like we’re using double standards? Is this fair?”

Try This: Over the next week, look for instances of double standards being used for men and women in your workplace. Point out the problem without anger if possible. It’s very likely you can enlist a man to second this opinion. Honest, they’re out there ready to help!

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A related article:
WomensMedia, by Debra Meyerson, Gender in Business—Speak Up About Double Standards

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Today is Better than Yesterday – The Glass Ceiling is History

by Nancy F. Clark (Follow her on Twitter)
Named one of Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

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Finally, and dramatically, public perception has changed!

Five years ago, anyone could say, “ A woman or an African American man cannot be elected President,” and it would be assumed to be true. Now, even though Hillary Clinton did not win, we can picture either type of candidate having a viable chance in the future. Imagine the change: Race or gender no longer eliminates you from becoming President of the United States!

This perception is percolating down into our business world with the outstanding performance of a number of female CEO’s: Carol Bartz of Yahoo, Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo, Ellen Kullman of DuPont, Irene Rosenfeld of Kraft Foods, Ursula Burns of Xerox, as well as Angela Braly of WellPoint one of our largest Fortune 500 companies.

The Rules are Changing

You no longer have to dress like a man or act like a man to reach upper management—the level that was forbidden by the glass ceiling. You can act in a style that’s comfortable to you as long as you show others they can have confidence in you. My Business Tip of the Week shows you how to do this.

The Glass Ceiling Effect

Some of you may be wondering, “How strong was that glass ceiling?” With nearly half the U.S. workforce female, it only allowed 15% of the upper management desks to be occupied by women. So, assuming as I do, that women and men are equally competent in their abilities, we would be seeing 50% of those desks occupied by women if the glass ceiling had not existed.

This glass ceiling effect took place over and over again at review time. There’s a little bit of subjective thinking in a review, in the manager’s mind, that pushes a competent worker over the threshold into a higher level position. It goes like this, “She’s doing a good job . . . but she doesn’t look like upper management material in our company.” Well, that’s true. She probably doesn’t appear as confident or as imposing. She probably talks about her business worries—men work harder to not expose any weakness. And she probably doesn’t look like the current upper managers, 85% of whom are men.

What Must You Do?

Individually, we have to remove gender bias—along with racial and ethnic bias—from our subjective promotion criteria. I need to emphasize here that it doesn’t matter if the reviewing manager is male or female. We’ve been comparing our employees to men at the top. So, it’s up to each of us to do our part to conduct unbiased reviews—making sure the glass ceiling stays in the past.

5 Steps for Moving Up

Here’s what you can do to speed your ascent into the realm of upper management.

1. Believe that the glass ceiling is obsolete and that it won’t affect you. You know, act as if there’s no sexism left in business. Remember that others who still hold that belief are hanging onto a passé dogma.

1. Make a point of showing you’re a decision maker. You can solicit input, but assume your role as the final decision maker on projects. You must overturn that erroneous stereotype that women are indecisive. Management studies show female managers are good at making decisions.

1. Force yourself to be more of a risk taker. Women are more risk averse than men, and sometimes miss business opportunities. So, up your risk taking by 15%, 20%, or whatever takes you slightly out of your 100% safety zone.

1. Speak up when others will notice—remember, you’re now a player. Act like one.

1. Get help at home—help with the cleaning, help with the children, help with your elders—don’t assume you have to do it all. You’ll still have moments when you feel overwhelmed with your “other life duties,” but try not to complain at work. Your superiors might decide you can’t take on higher assignments.

My Business Tip of the Week asks you to join me in prodding companies to do the right thing. Here it is.

Business Tip of the Week:

See to it that the statistics for your company are published. The Internet is a good place. The purpose of these stats is to highlight your company’s positive role in shattering the glass ceiling, such as:  “Five years ago, 11% of the top 2 tiers of our company were female. This year we’ve progressed to 15% and we’re looking forward to progressing next year as well.” A public record of this is an incentive to do even better next year. And I’m all for incentives, because they work!

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Now that the glass ceiling is history, make your move—with confidence.

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

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Website, WomensMedia, by Hilary M. Lips, Women and Leadership: The Delicate Balancing Act See solutions that smooth the way for women leaders.

Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Stacey Hanke, Communication and Vocal Power —Using Your Voice to Convey Confidence or listen to it here.

Podcast (always about 5 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Stereotypes Hold Women Back—Those Little Put-Downs Really Do Add Up!

by Suzanne Doyle-Morris, PhD  (Read about her here.)

 

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As a woman in a male-dominated field, entertaining clients and building relationships through social contact are vital activities, though not always straightforward. For example, as an executive coach who specializes in working with professional women, I have yet to meet a woman who has the interest or time to take a client golfing, a long held networking tradition for men.

Women who want to develop relationships during office hours, through activities traditionally associated with male-dominated fields, such as drinking or at sporting events, are rare in my experience. Equally, women don’t tend to enjoy impromptu after-work drinks that go on late into the night. Most women can engage in after-work drinks now and again if given enough forewarning. However, impromptu get-togethers can be difficult for women with families, or even for women who just happen to value their own social lives and time away from work.

Maggie Berry, Director of womenintechnology.org, agrees. She indicated that, for her members, some of the key draws for her events were the focused attention on career development and the advance marketing that allowed women to plan to attend. She explained, “One of the comments I hear is that women can’t just spontaneously decide to go to the pub after work. They have different interests and responsibilities. If you know your team is going out on a Tuesday, you can plan around that. A woman can get the appropriate childcare and make transport arrangements ahead of time. Our members like to network, but like to set time aside specifically for it, rather than having to make themselves available all the time.”

If you avoid socializing completely, you will not be privy to political discussions, strengthening relationships or hearing about career opportunities that are almost always first discussed informally. Furthermore, you will send out the message that you are an outsider with no interest in becoming an insider. That being said, most women recognize that they need to make time to socialize with clients and colleagues on work trips or dinner out, which, while it has its obvious benefits, also has potential pitfalls. In addition to taking up what precious little time working women have, there is the danger of sending mixed messages to clients or colleagues—especially in settings where alcohol is involved.

This is a potential time to shine, as people promote those with whom they feel comfortable and who will make a good impression on their clients. Tread carefully, though, because if you get it wrong, you can backtrack your career considerably. Breakfast, lunch and coffee meetings are unlikely to be misconstrued, and have the additional advantage of being less likely to make you feel obliged to order alcohol with the meal. For example, you can invent a deadline back at the office if need be.

With dinner, you end the evening when you want to go home, which can be harder to negotiate your way out of if your dinner companions pressure you to stay. During the day, you can always say you have a meeting at the office, which is a more socially acceptable way of curtailing the evening than saying you just want to go home. So network please, but in a way that suits you, whether it be with groups that allow you to plan in advance or with meals at times that suit you. Just make sure you do it in a way that is respected, but can’t be misconstrued.

Be sure to visit our site, WomensMedia to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

Or on our website, WomensMedia you should read:

How to Succeed in a Male-Dominated Profession or

Business Women Can Play in the Boys’ Club or

Communicating With Men at Work .

For quick updates for Business Women you should follow NancyFClark on twitter here.

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Leadership Traits: How Do You Measure Up?

by Sharon Michaels (Read about her here.)

 

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Whether you are building an online marketing team, own a storefront with employees, or organize a monthly professional networking group, your leadership skills can often mean the difference between success and failure.

What are the traits of a great leader?

Interestingly enough, in 1954 Raymond Cattell developed a Leadership Potential Equation. This equation was based on the common basic qualities of the top military leaders of World War II. In fact, this equation is still used today as a guide for defining the traits of effective leadership. Here are a few traits from Raymond Cattell’s Leadership Potential Equation:

1. Self-confidence – Self-assuredness, self-confidence and resiliency are common and important traits among top leaders. They trust their own judgment and instincts and do not necessarily need the approval of others to make well thought out decisions.

2. Healthy energy – A leader is well aware that good health is a prerequisite to good leadership. With leadership comes the need to take care of oneself in mind, body and spirit. Healthy energy begins in a healthy body.

3. Enthusiasm – People want to follow positive, energetic, upbeat, optimistic leaders. They want their leader to enthusiastically look for and focus on solutions to day-to-day challenges.

4. Knowledge – A powerful leader should know what she’s talking about. There’s nothing worse than a leader who doesn’t walk her talk. The most charismatic leaders lead by example.

5. Emotional stability – Good leaders handle stress, anger, frustration and disappointment in positive and empowering ways. Emotional maturity is a must for effective leadership.

6.  Empathy – Personal power and recognition must take a back seat to the well being of the team. Empathy builds trust. Without a leader who is trustworthy, there is no team.

7. Charisma – A charismatic leader can rally a team to be and achieve their best. A leader with charisma can paint a vision of the future that her team will want to build upon and aim toward.

8. Goal oriented – Leadership means knowing how to set group goals—goals that will motivate and excite the team to grow and thrive personally and professionally.

I doubt if anyone is born a great leader. It is how a person handles the circumstances they are given that often determines true leadership qualities. Looking through these traits, how do you rank yourself as a leader? Remember, you can learn to lead.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

Be sure to visit our site, WomensMedia to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

On our website, WomensMedia you should read these excellent articles:

7 Steps to the Best Leadership Style and

Leadership Skills: Boost Your Business Acumen! and

5 Things Leaders Must Do to Stop the Gossip Mill

For quick updates for Business Women you should follow NancyFClark on twitter here, or SharonMichaels here.

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Public Speaking For Business Women

by Suzanne Doyle-Morris (Read about her here.)

(Listen to it here.)

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Have you ever stayed up late or worked weekends on a report or project only to see the credit go to the person who presented it all? Well, that used to be me. I started to notice this tendency in college, and then in my first jobs and then again when I earned my Ph.D. at the University of Cambridge, looking at the experiences of women in male dominated fields. And eventually, rather than continue to be victimized, I realized I had to learn one of the key lessons that very successful women know (the lesson I want to talk to you about today) — and that is how to use public speaking to get ahead in your career.

While stereotypes abound about ‘the chatty woman,’ the truth is that it is mostly men who present at conferences, who chair meetings and who lead presentations. Nowhere is this more true than in fields that already suffer from a dearth of women. Speaking in public is one of the most common fears, and certainly one that can be debilitating to a burgeoning career. It can sound daunting initially, but you don’t have to start with speaking to an audience of thousands. In fact, most women begin to add public speaking to their careers by leading meetings and giving presentations.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

Or on our website, WomensMedia you should read:

Business Women Can Play in the Boys’ Club or Communicating With Men at Work

For quick updates for Business Women you should follow NancyFClark on twitter here.

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How To Cancel A Limiting Gender Stereotype

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

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Starting out in rocket science and computer technology, I was often the only woman in the room.

That’s another way of saying, the stereotype others had of me didn’t fit with the group, I was well aware of these assumptions.

I’ll bet you’ve had the feeling—at one time or another—that people have stuck a stereotype or label on you that made you out to be less than you are.

You may have felt like an outsider to their groups.

In their minds they could be thinking:

• She’s not important,
• She’s not educated,
• She’s not capable,
• She’s not assertive,
• it could even be, “Oh, she’s a mother.” and further questions might end right there.

You can see how this limits the opportunities a person is willing to offer you. In my Business Tip of the Week, I discuss how you can prepare ahead to cancel these negative, incorrect, stereotypes.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

Or on our website, WomensMedia, you may want to read What Keeps Women from Reaching the Top?

For quick business updates you should follow me on twitter here.

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Gender Pay Gap Is Real . . . Unfortunately

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Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Here are some of the questions about the gender pay gap that we’ve been receiving at WomensMedia. (N- add the numbers when posting)

If A Woman Chooses Full-Time Employment, Does She Earn The Same As A Man?

Do Women Earn Less Because They Work Less?

If A Woman Earns A College Degree, Does She Earn The Same As A Man With The Same Degree?

If A Woman Negotiates Her Salary, Will She Earn The Same As A Man?

If A Woman Moves Into A Typically Male Occupation, Does She Earn The Same As A Man?

You may be surprised to hear what research has shown.

Listen to Gender Pay Gap Is Real

Listen to The Gender Pay Gap Is Not OK

Increasing Your Happiness Level Is Easier Than You Think!

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

If you’ve suspected that happy people get better work evaluations and higher pay, then you’re right. A 15-year study in Australia showed this is true. Happiness has wide ranging effects. According to Professor Martin Seligman (author of Authentic Happiness), “…it turns out that adults and children who are put into a good mood select higher goals, perform better, and persist longer on a variety of laboratory tasks, such as solving anagrams.” Ah, that means happiness improves motivation as well. More Good News.

Did you ever expect to hear the words “scientific” and “happiness” in the same sentence? I didn’t, but now I’m happy about it. I’ll be telling you about the 3 Big Happiness Myths and the 12 small tasks you can do to increase your Happiness Level. You do want to be happier, don’t you?

 

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Let’s Make Sure The Glass Ceiling Stays In The Past

(Listen to it here.)

Finally, and dramatically, public perception has changed!

Five years ago, anyone could say, “ A woman or an African American man cannot be elected President,” and it would be assumed to be true. Now, even though Hillary Clinton did not win, we can picture either type of candidate having a viable chance in the future. Imagine the change: Race or gender no longer eliminates you from becoming President of the United States!

This perception is percolating down into our business world with the outstanding performance of a number of female CEO’s. We have seen that a woman can successfully grow a small company into a major player, such as Meg Whitman did with eBay. She formed a fledgling Internet idea into a company with revenue of 8.46 billion dollars a year. She now has her eye on another arena—politics.

The Rules are Changing

You no longer have to dress like a man or act like a man to reach upper management—the level that was forbidden by the glass ceiling. You can act in a style that’s comfortable to you as long as you show others they can have confidence in you. My Tip of the Week shows you how to do this.

 

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