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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter & Nancy Clark on Google Plus)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

 When Men Won't Listen : Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

There are a few things that all women seem to notice and all men don’t see at all. Alright, alright, I know I can’t say “all.” But it’s pretty nearly “all” whenever I speak to a large group of men and women and I ask this question: “Raise your hand if you’ve been in a meeting when a woman made a suggestion and no one seemed to notice?” Pretty nearly every woman will raise her hand and sadly nod her head—meaning it was her—and the men will be dumbfounded that this is the situation. Honestly women, we can’t blame men, because they aren’t even aware of this behavior.

Sociologists tell us this behavior begins when boys are 3 to 4 years old and are playing with other boys. They’re focused on competing with boys: Faster-Than-You, Stronger-Than-You, Louder-Than-You! They’re not focused on girls, and what the girls might be saying. Sounds like the alpha-male conditioning sets in pretty early, doesn’t it?

Well, I’m of the belief that in the workplace it doesn’t play out well for you to claim, “ Not fair. Not fair. Make him listen!” You can do that if you don’t mind being labeled The Trouble-Maker Who Should Be Avoided. I believe your best bet is to recognize that this happens frequently and that there are precautions you can take.

Look around your company and notice which men seem sympathetic to the obstacles working women have to dodge. Talk to one or more of them about being careful to notice when a woman’s comment is not noticed. Tell them how much their response will be appreciated. And when they pick up the ball, make sure it doesn’t go unnoticed!

Now, here’s your Tip of the Week.

Tip:

Plan ahead before you go into a meeting. Know what your key point will be. When you’re ready to speak, address your idea to one of the highest-level men in the room—you know that alpha-male thing again. Say, “Jim, I’ve been analyzing the X situation, and can see that we should do Y.” Trust me, when you say his name, you’ll get Jim’s full attention. I call this the Mommy-Caught-Me syndrome. You don’t have to say, “What do you think?” He’ll go ahead and comment. And anyway, if you say, “What do you think?” men interpret this to mean you don’t know if it’s a good idea and consequently, you need his help. Of course, we know that’s not what we mean. But part of successfully playing the game is knowing what others are thinking. It sure is a good thing we have that feminine advantage: Women’s Intuition!

Now, get out there and do the name-calling trick. See how well it works!

See a related article on WomensMedia, by Debra Meyerson, Gender in Business: When Women Are Not Heard

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

See our latest on Forbes

See our latest on Forbes

by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

Sign up for the WomensMedia Newsletter. We make it easy!

 

 To Brag Or Not To Brag: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s not bragging if you can back it up.
—Muhammad Ali

Ali can get away with bragging but we women can’t. We must walk a fine line between informative self-promotion and outright bragging. Most of us have been raised on the little girl admonitions, “It’s not nice to brag!” and “Who does she think she is?”  As long as these sayings are still playing in your mental background, you’ll feel uncomfortable when you know you’re bragging. And when you’re uncomfortable, other people focus on your discomfort. You don’t want that! The secret I can tell you is how to promote yourself just short of bragging. And that’s something you probably do want.

You need to self-promote—even if you’re not interviewing for a job. As you meet people they’re going to form split-second impressions of you. If you’re a woman, that may tend toward the sister, wife, mother, girlfriend, low-level employee, or helper images. Remember this and craft something in the beginning of a conversation that sets them in the right direction. I’ll tell you 2 simple ways to craft it in the tips of the week.

Meanwhile, for the guys who tell me they read this blog, women are not impressed the same way men are. For instance, men are often impressed when another man mentions his car by brand. Or, as I saw, a man left his Ferrari keys on the table during an entire dinner. For women, this type of display is too blatant. We don’t feel we should do it; we won’t allow other women to easily do it; and we see through it when men do it. You know, maybe we should ease up. Or not. On the other hand, women, if you’re talking only to men, you can take it up a notch without worry. Mention the private jet business trip you took, even if it was ages ago, and watch the men’s heads swivel around. Same thing with the 6-figure and 7-figure contracts your company is involved with. It will earn you respect. Just don’t try it with women.

Here’s my Women in Business Tip of the Week. Actually, there’s two this week!

Tip 1:
Rather than saying, “I have …,” or “I can do …,” the secret is finding an item in the conversation that relates to your accomplishment. Then start with something like, “I learned X when I was faced with a problem at IBM. I had to…”  Talking about what you learned or experienced keeps you just short of bragging—right where you want to be.

Tip 2:
You know how comfortable you feel when you’re telling someone about a memorable vacation you took? I want you to take a piece of paper, right now, and jot down a list of items from your life or career that are memorable, including a few that are impressive. I want you to craft what Peggy Klaus calls a “bragalogue.”  Pretend you’re writing a screenplay that only includes the good parts. OK, throw in a couple missteps to show your humility (we still are expected to be somewhat humble) and to show your sense of humor. This is now Your Story—a story you enjoy talking about.

Now, get out there and tell Your Story!

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

Website, WomensMedia, by Simon and Pedersen, Communicating With Men at Work

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

See our related article: How to Get Out of Your Own Way —5 Strategies for Thinking Outside the Box

Is She Too Strong? Too Pushy?

 

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Instead of a lawsuit, I say shine a spotlight on double standards in the workplace.

People will decide what’s not acceptable behavior.

Public opinion brings rapid change, and that’s what we anticipate.

—Nancy Clark

In the Harvard Business Review, Nancy Nichols writes, “Women who attempt to fit themselves into a managerial role by acting like men . . . are forced to behave in a sexually dissonant way. They risk being characterized as ‘too aggressive,’ or worse, just plain ‘bitchy.’ Yet women who act like ladies, speaking indirectly and showing concern for others, risk being seen as ‘ineffective.’”

Women have been caught in a double bind. We’re not part of the #1 team in business—the men’s team. That’s the situation we have today. Let’s not bemoan it—that won’t give us progress. Let’s analyze it and see where we can carve away a few more steps. Kathleen Hall Jamieson tells us, “Binds draw their power from their capacity to simplify complexity. Faced with a complicated situation or behavior, the human tendency is to split apart and dichotomize its elements. So we contrast good and bad, strong and weak, for and against, true and false, and in so doing assume that a person can’t be both at once—or somewhere in between. Such distinctions are often useful. But when this tendency drives us to see life’s options or the choices available to women as polarities and irreconcilable opposites, those differences become troublesome.” Jamieson points out that over the years women have found new options to exercise, so don’t think of yourself as permanently shackled. She states, “Put simply, over time women have learned to turn potatoes into vichyssoise.”

When I’m asked about this problem, I say, “When you see double standards for men and women in action, all you need to do is bring attention to the matter—without anger. Most people will make their own judgment that this is unfair treatment. Those who don’t are not ready to change—this week.”

I don’t promote more laws and more lawsuits as the best way to proceed. Public opinion is ready to change en masse. Instead of a lawsuit, put a spotlight on double standards. Let people decide if this is acceptable behavior. Today we’re seeing that fathers and mothers are worried about sending their daughters out into a workplace that will disappoint them, year after year, with inequities.

Debra Meyerson of Stanford University tells us that if you want to make an effort to change the use of double standards, you have to speak up. For instance, “Jack and Mary both have clients who like them. Jack is arrogant and all you do is laugh about it. But Mary is not nearly as arrogant, yet you criticize her when she does any self-promoting. Why does he get higher marks at promotion time? Doesn’t this look like we’re using double standards? Is this fair?”

Try This: Over the next week, look for instances of double standards being used for men and women in your workplace. Point out the problem without anger if possible. It’s very likely you can enlist a man to second this opinion. Honest, they’re out there ready to help!

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A related article:
WomensMedia, by Debra Meyerson, Gender in Business—Speak Up About Double Standards

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Today is Better than Yesterday – The Glass Ceiling is History

by Nancy F. Clark (Follow her on Twitter)
Named one of Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

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Finally, and dramatically, public perception has changed!

Five years ago, anyone could say, “ A woman or an African American man cannot be elected President,” and it would be assumed to be true. Now, even though Hillary Clinton did not win, we can picture either type of candidate having a viable chance in the future. Imagine the change: Race or gender no longer eliminates you from becoming President of the United States!

This perception is percolating down into our business world with the outstanding performance of a number of female CEO’s: Carol Bartz of Yahoo, Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo, Ellen Kullman of DuPont, Irene Rosenfeld of Kraft Foods, Ursula Burns of Xerox, as well as Angela Braly of WellPoint one of our largest Fortune 500 companies.

The Rules are Changing

You no longer have to dress like a man or act like a man to reach upper management—the level that was forbidden by the glass ceiling. You can act in a style that’s comfortable to you as long as you show others they can have confidence in you. My Business Tip of the Week shows you how to do this.

The Glass Ceiling Effect

Some of you may be wondering, “How strong was that glass ceiling?” With nearly half the U.S. workforce female, it only allowed 15% of the upper management desks to be occupied by women. So, assuming as I do, that women and men are equally competent in their abilities, we would be seeing 50% of those desks occupied by women if the glass ceiling had not existed.

This glass ceiling effect took place over and over again at review time. There’s a little bit of subjective thinking in a review, in the manager’s mind, that pushes a competent worker over the threshold into a higher level position. It goes like this, “She’s doing a good job . . . but she doesn’t look like upper management material in our company.” Well, that’s true. She probably doesn’t appear as confident or as imposing. She probably talks about her business worries—men work harder to not expose any weakness. And she probably doesn’t look like the current upper managers, 85% of whom are men.

What Must You Do?

Individually, we have to remove gender bias—along with racial and ethnic bias—from our subjective promotion criteria. I need to emphasize here that it doesn’t matter if the reviewing manager is male or female. We’ve been comparing our employees to men at the top. So, it’s up to each of us to do our part to conduct unbiased reviews—making sure the glass ceiling stays in the past.

5 Steps for Moving Up

Here’s what you can do to speed your ascent into the realm of upper management.

1. Believe that the glass ceiling is obsolete and that it won’t affect you. You know, act as if there’s no sexism left in business. Remember that others who still hold that belief are hanging onto a passé dogma.

1. Make a point of showing you’re a decision maker. You can solicit input, but assume your role as the final decision maker on projects. You must overturn that erroneous stereotype that women are indecisive. Management studies show female managers are good at making decisions.

1. Force yourself to be more of a risk taker. Women are more risk averse than men, and sometimes miss business opportunities. So, up your risk taking by 15%, 20%, or whatever takes you slightly out of your 100% safety zone.

1. Speak up when others will notice—remember, you’re now a player. Act like one.

1. Get help at home—help with the cleaning, help with the children, help with your elders—don’t assume you have to do it all. You’ll still have moments when you feel overwhelmed with your “other life duties,” but try not to complain at work. Your superiors might decide you can’t take on higher assignments.

My Business Tip of the Week asks you to join me in prodding companies to do the right thing. Here it is.

Business Tip of the Week:

See to it that the statistics for your company are published. The Internet is a good place. The purpose of these stats is to highlight your company’s positive role in shattering the glass ceiling, such as:  “Five years ago, 11% of the top 2 tiers of our company were female. This year we’ve progressed to 15% and we’re looking forward to progressing next year as well.” A public record of this is an incentive to do even better next year. And I’m all for incentives, because they work!

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Now that the glass ceiling is history, make your move—with confidence.

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Sign up for the WomensMedia Newsletter. We make it easy!

Website, WomensMedia, by Hilary M. Lips, Women and Leadership: The Delicate Balancing Act See solutions that smooth the way for women leaders.

Blog, Women’s Lunch Talk, by Stacey Hanke, Communication and Vocal Power —Using Your Voice to Convey Confidence or listen to it here.

Podcast (always about 5 minutes), Working in Heels, by Nancy Clark, Gender Stereotypes Hold Women Back—Those Little Put-Downs Really Do Add Up!

by Suzanne Doyle-Morris, PhD  (Read about her here.)

 

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As a woman in a male-dominated field, entertaining clients and building relationships through social contact are vital activities, though not always straightforward. For example, as an executive coach who specializes in working with professional women, I have yet to meet a woman who has the interest or time to take a client golfing, a long held networking tradition for men.

Women who want to develop relationships during office hours, through activities traditionally associated with male-dominated fields, such as drinking or at sporting events, are rare in my experience. Equally, women don’t tend to enjoy impromptu after-work drinks that go on late into the night. Most women can engage in after-work drinks now and again if given enough forewarning. However, impromptu get-togethers can be difficult for women with families, or even for women who just happen to value their own social lives and time away from work.

Maggie Berry, Director of womenintechnology.org, agrees. She indicated that, for her members, some of the key draws for her events were the focused attention on career development and the advance marketing that allowed women to plan to attend. She explained, “One of the comments I hear is that women can’t just spontaneously decide to go to the pub after work. They have different interests and responsibilities. If you know your team is going out on a Tuesday, you can plan around that. A woman can get the appropriate childcare and make transport arrangements ahead of time. Our members like to network, but like to set time aside specifically for it, rather than having to make themselves available all the time.”

If you avoid socializing completely, you will not be privy to political discussions, strengthening relationships or hearing about career opportunities that are almost always first discussed informally. Furthermore, you will send out the message that you are an outsider with no interest in becoming an insider. That being said, most women recognize that they need to make time to socialize with clients and colleagues on work trips or dinner out, which, while it has its obvious benefits, also has potential pitfalls. In addition to taking up what precious little time working women have, there is the danger of sending mixed messages to clients or colleagues—especially in settings where alcohol is involved.

This is a potential time to shine, as people promote those with whom they feel comfortable and who will make a good impression on their clients. Tread carefully, though, because if you get it wrong, you can backtrack your career considerably. Breakfast, lunch and coffee meetings are unlikely to be misconstrued, and have the additional advantage of being less likely to make you feel obliged to order alcohol with the meal. For example, you can invent a deadline back at the office if need be.

With dinner, you end the evening when you want to go home, which can be harder to negotiate your way out of if your dinner companions pressure you to stay. During the day, you can always say you have a meeting at the office, which is a more socially acceptable way of curtailing the evening than saying you just want to go home. So network please, but in a way that suits you, whether it be with groups that allow you to plan in advance or with meals at times that suit you. Just make sure you do it in a way that is respected, but can’t be misconstrued.

Be sure to visit our site, WomensMedia to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

Or on our website, WomensMedia you should read:

How to Succeed in a Male-Dominated Profession or

Business Women Can Play in the Boys’ Club or

Communicating With Men at Work .

For quick updates for Business Women you should follow NancyFClark on twitter here.

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How To Cancel A Limiting Gender Stereotype

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

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Starting out in rocket science and computer technology, I was often the only woman in the room.

That’s another way of saying, the stereotype others had of me didn’t fit with the group, I was well aware of these assumptions.

I’ll bet you’ve had the feeling—at one time or another—that people have stuck a stereotype or label on you that made you out to be less than you are.

You may have felt like an outsider to their groups.

In their minds they could be thinking:

• She’s not important,
• She’s not educated,
• She’s not capable,
• She’s not assertive,
• it could even be, “Oh, she’s a mother.” and further questions might end right there.

You can see how this limits the opportunities a person is willing to offer you. In my Business Tip of the Week, I discuss how you can prepare ahead to cancel these negative, incorrect, stereotypes.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

Or on our website, WomensMedia, you may want to read What Keeps Women from Reaching the Top?

For quick business updates you should follow me on twitter here.

Sign up for the WomensMedia Newsletter. We make it easy!

Please see our updated article:  To Brag Or Not To Brag

A Business Woman Can Be Careful Without Losing Her Authority

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Women in Business.

I’m sure every woman has noticed this here and there at work:  A smart woman deferring to a man who is not entirely correct—and she knows it—and he doesn’t—but he’s speaking with confidence and a loud voice. It always makes me wonder why she’s deferring to him by not speaking up.

My Women in Business Tip of the Week teaches you how to show authority with men, without ruffling any feathers.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

In another podcast, you may want to listen to How To Manage Your Project —Organize A Project With Five Easy Steps

Or on our website, WomensMedia, you may want to read 8 Tips for Fearless Communication in the Workplace

Gender Pay Gap Is Real . . . Unfortunately

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Here are some of the questions about the gender pay gap that we’ve been receiving at WomensMedia. (N- add the numbers when posting)

If A Woman Chooses Full-Time Employment, Does She Earn The Same As A Man?

Do Women Earn Less Because They Work Less?

If A Woman Earns A College Degree, Does She Earn The Same As A Man With The Same Degree?

If A Woman Negotiates Her Salary, Will She Earn The Same As A Man?

If A Woman Moves Into A Typically Male Occupation, Does She Earn The Same As A Man?

You may be surprised to hear what research has shown.

Listen to Gender Pay Gap Is Real

Listen to The Gender Pay Gap Is Not OK

Let’s Make Sure The Glass Ceiling Stays In The Past

(Listen to it here.)

Finally, and dramatically, public perception has changed!

Five years ago, anyone could say, “ A woman or an African American man cannot be elected President,” and it would be assumed to be true. Now, even though Hillary Clinton did not win, we can picture either type of candidate having a viable chance in the future. Imagine the change: Race or gender no longer eliminates you from becoming President of the United States!

This perception is percolating down into our business world with the outstanding performance of a number of female CEO’s. We have seen that a woman can successfully grow a small company into a major player, such as Meg Whitman did with eBay. She formed a fledgling Internet idea into a company with revenue of 8.46 billion dollars a year. She now has her eye on another arena—politics.

The Rules are Changing

You no longer have to dress like a man or act like a man to reach upper management—the level that was forbidden by the glass ceiling. You can act in a style that’s comfortable to you as long as you show others they can have confidence in you. My Tip of the Week shows you how to do this.

 

 The Glass Ceiling Is History!: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download