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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter & Nancy Clark on Google Plus)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

 When Men Won't Listen : Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

There are a few things that all women seem to notice and all men don’t see at all. Alright, alright, I know I can’t say “all.” But it’s pretty nearly “all” whenever I speak to a large group of men and women and I ask this question: “Raise your hand if you’ve been in a meeting when a woman made a suggestion and no one seemed to notice?” Pretty nearly every woman will raise her hand and sadly nod her head—meaning it was her—and the men will be dumbfounded that this is the situation. Honestly women, we can’t blame men, because they aren’t even aware of this behavior.

Sociologists tell us this behavior begins when boys are 3 to 4 years old and are playing with other boys. They’re focused on competing with boys: Faster-Than-You, Stronger-Than-You, Louder-Than-You! They’re not focused on girls, and what the girls might be saying. Sounds like the alpha-male conditioning sets in pretty early, doesn’t it?

Well, I’m of the belief that in the workplace it doesn’t play out well for you to claim, “ Not fair. Not fair. Make him listen!” You can do that if you don’t mind being labeled The Trouble-Maker Who Should Be Avoided. I believe your best bet is to recognize that this happens frequently and that there are precautions you can take.

Look around your company and notice which men seem sympathetic to the obstacles working women have to dodge. Talk to one or more of them about being careful to notice when a woman’s comment is not noticed. Tell them how much their response will be appreciated. And when they pick up the ball, make sure it doesn’t go unnoticed!

Now, here’s your Tip of the Week.

Tip:

Plan ahead before you go into a meeting. Know what your key point will be. When you’re ready to speak, address your idea to one of the highest-level men in the room—you know that alpha-male thing again. Say, “Jim, I’ve been analyzing the X situation, and can see that we should do Y.” Trust me, when you say his name, you’ll get Jim’s full attention. I call this the Mommy-Caught-Me syndrome. You don’t have to say, “What do you think?” He’ll go ahead and comment. And anyway, if you say, “What do you think?” men interpret this to mean you don’t know if it’s a good idea and consequently, you need his help. Of course, we know that’s not what we mean. But part of successfully playing the game is knowing what others are thinking. It sure is a good thing we have that feminine advantage: Women’s Intuition!

Now, get out there and do the name-calling trick. See how well it works!

See a related article on WomensMedia, by Debra Meyerson, Gender in Business: When Women Are Not Heard

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

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Women Have A Head Start With Win-Win Negotiation

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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter & Nancy Clark on Google Plus)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

 

 Negotiation for Women: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Most men are on the lookout for any opportunity to negotiate. It’s a game to them—and it should be for women too, because . . . you get more of the stuff you like. Erase the image from your mind that a negotiation is something that only happens when you sit down to draw up a contract or ask for a raise. It happens much more often than that! You might be interested in moving your office or desk, having your boss give one of your tedious tasks to someone else, or having someone other than you take the minutes at those meetings. You have a chance to gain whatever you want, but it takes negotiation. Super negotiators are not born that way. They learn how to negotiate. And so can you.

In their book, The Shadow Negotiation, Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams state that we women “let opportunities to negotiate slip by us unclaimed or unnoticed. Cramped by circumstance, with no magic up our sleeve, we don’t consider negotiation a possibility. We just make do and move on, not realizing that we might have bargained. Often, from lack of training or experience, we fail to recognize that we are in the midst of a negotiation until it is too late to change the outcome.”

There’s Good News and Bad News for women and negotiation. The Bad News is that most of us have been conditioned to “make sure everyone gets along.”  So, we try to avoid conflict. If this is a pattern that you’ve been following, I’m sure you’ve lost out on a lot of things. You need to realize that negotiation does not have to be a win-lose conflict. It can often be a plus for both sides—a win-win situation. While you’re still in your Conflict Avoidance Stance, you don’t look strong at the table. And when you don’t look strong, other people will jump at the chance to undermine your credibility and even your right to have a position in the discussion. In my tip today, I’ll address this issue. You’ll also be helped by taking a few minutes to play my podcast, Powerful Body Language —Women, Change Your Body Language, Change Your Message.

The Good News for women is that we tend to be good at building relationships. And guess what? Your skills of connection are valuable for discovering the other party’s hidden agenda. In any negotiation there are two things going on at the same time. There’s the substance of the problem you’re trying to solve. And there’s a big something under all that—there’s the shadowy interpersonal communication that takes place concerning how each party wants to handle the negotiation and what the talk and gestures convey about relationships and expectations. You know how solving a problem within a family is not just about the logical variables. Yep, you know about that.

I want you to become an expert at drawing out the shadow negotiation. State the problem and how it affects you. Show the other people involved that you value them and their ideas. Your goal is to have both parties look at the situation from different perspectives and work together to come up with a creative solution. As the discussion gets underway, look for the underlying feelings and bring them to the surface. Talk about them. They’re important if you want to solve the problem. It may be that one person feels his or her opinions don’t get enough attention. You need to let others know that these feelings are important to you. It’s possible for those involved to come away from the table with better relationships. And with better relationships, problems are solved faster.

Here’s the tip.

Tip:

At the beginning of a negotiation, establish your I-Belong-At-This-Table position by stating your interests. This must be done in a firm, but not hostile manner. You have a right to advocate for your interests. Silently repeat this mantra: I will not become defensive! There is no reason to become defensive—you have a right to work for your interests. State the current situation, how it affects you, and how it affects the company. Doing this will help you appear strong and with every right to have a place at the table—the negotiation table.

See a related article on WomensMedia, by Dana Bristol-Smith, Presenting for Success: Simple Strategies to Add Confidence and Credibility to Your Next Presentation

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

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See this related article: Listening to Women: New Perspectives on Negotiation —Women Have Powerful Insights In Negotiation by Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams

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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

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 To Brag Or Not To Brag: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s not bragging if you can back it up.
—Muhammad Ali

Ali can get away with bragging but we women can’t. We must walk a fine line between informative self-promotion and outright bragging. Most of us have been raised on the little girl admonitions, “It’s not nice to brag!” and “Who does she think she is?”  As long as these sayings are still playing in your mental background, you’ll feel uncomfortable when you know you’re bragging. And when you’re uncomfortable, other people focus on your discomfort. You don’t want that! The secret I can tell you is how to promote yourself just short of bragging. And that’s something you probably do want.

You need to self-promote—even if you’re not interviewing for a job. As you meet people they’re going to form split-second impressions of you. If you’re a woman, that may tend toward the sister, wife, mother, girlfriend, low-level employee, or helper images. Remember this and craft something in the beginning of a conversation that sets them in the right direction. I’ll tell you 2 simple ways to craft it in the tips of the week.

Meanwhile, for the guys who tell me they read this blog, women are not impressed the same way men are. For instance, men are often impressed when another man mentions his car by brand. Or, as I saw, a man left his Ferrari keys on the table during an entire dinner. For women, this type of display is too blatant. We don’t feel we should do it; we won’t allow other women to easily do it; and we see through it when men do it. You know, maybe we should ease up. Or not. On the other hand, women, if you’re talking only to men, you can take it up a notch without worry. Mention the private jet business trip you took, even if it was ages ago, and watch the men’s heads swivel around. Same thing with the 6-figure and 7-figure contracts your company is involved with. It will earn you respect. Just don’t try it with women.

Here’s my Women in Business Tip of the Week. Actually, there’s two this week!

Tip 1:
Rather than saying, “I have …,” or “I can do …,” the secret is finding an item in the conversation that relates to your accomplishment. Then start with something like, “I learned X when I was faced with a problem at IBM. I had to…”  Talking about what you learned or experienced keeps you just short of bragging—right where you want to be.

Tip 2:
You know how comfortable you feel when you’re telling someone about a memorable vacation you took? I want you to take a piece of paper, right now, and jot down a list of items from your life or career that are memorable, including a few that are impressive. I want you to craft what Peggy Klaus calls a “bragalogue.”  Pretend you’re writing a screenplay that only includes the good parts. OK, throw in a couple missteps to show your humility (we still are expected to be somewhat humble) and to show your sense of humor. This is now Your Story—a story you enjoy talking about.

Now, get out there and tell Your Story!

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

Website, WomensMedia, by Simon and Pedersen, Communicating With Men at Work

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

See our related article: How to Get Out of Your Own Way —5 Strategies for Thinking Outside the Box

Enjoy Some Risk-Taking—It’s Good For Business

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by Nancy F Clark (Follow me on Twitter)
Partnering with Forbes: Thirty Women Entrepreneurs To Follow On Twitter

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 Risk taking: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong
than to agonize at length and be right too late.
—Marilyn Moats Kennedy

Much as I’d like to say the large-scale Hagberg survey shows all Good News for women in business, I can’t lie to you. I talked about the areas where women are doing well in my blog posting, Proof That Women Make Great Managers —Studies Show Areas Where Women Excel.

Where aren’t they doing well? Risk-taking. Some risk-taking can help a business tap new markets and surge ahead of the pack. Of course, sometimes there’s a good reason for avoiding risk. Risk aversion is an important talent if you’re herding children away from the edge of a cliff, for example. But business is a different story.

Are there women who take risks as well as the best of the men? Yep, and often you’ll find them at the head of companies. That tells you something.

The Hagberg study indicates that women—in a quest to be thorough—want all the data before making big decisions. This decision-making style, which may have helped a woman reach middle management, may discourage her from taking career-advancing, high-risk assignments. It may also discourage others from thinking of her as CEO material.

Taking risks and accepting the consequences is a required skill in corporate America’s top echelons. But hey, don’t despair. This is a skill that can be learned. Which brings me to my tip of the week.

Tip:  Nancy Clark’s 5 Steps of Risk-Taking

This tip is for you—unless you’re the type of woman who readily jumps on a motorcycle and has broken at least one arm and one leg doing something risky.

1.  Go with your gut.
Trust your instincts whenever you get the feeling that something could be a good business move.

2.  Give it the Pro & Con Test.
You know, draw a vertical line on a paper and quickly list the pluses and minuses to the move. Notice the word “quickly.” This is not a time for you to try for perfection. Tell yourself that no one is 100% right all the time and tell yourself that time is a valuable factor to consider in business.

3.  Move the bar up.
When you analyze your Pro & Con List, notice where you’d normally draw the line that causes you to say, “Nah, this is probably a No-Go.” What happens if you raise the bar 10%? 20%? If you’re normally a risk-averse person, better raise the bar 30%. All you need to do is decide what percentage is right for you.

4.  Gain buy-in from the right people.
Enlist the best people to work with you in implementing your idea.

5.  Handle the consequences professionally.
If you’re right, that’s a great business move. Handle your public relations and let others know of your success.

If you’re wrong, it’s not the end of the world. The end of the world would be if you did nothing. Formulate your statement along the lines of, “With hindsight being 20/20, I can now see that I overestimated sales to the X group.” or “I can see that the direction we should now head in is X.”

And start watching the guys! Yes, I said it. Watch when a guy lets a mistake slide off his back. At 5 pm it’s forgotten—and that’s a good model to follow!

Now get out there and learn to enjoy taking a few more risks!

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

See our related article: How to Get Out of Your Own Way —5 Strategies for Thinking Outside the Box

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Even Though Your Boss Says It’s Not The Perfect Time (It never is!)

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Nancy F Clark  (Follow me on Twitter)

 

 Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

You’d probably love it if your boss walked up to you today and said, “I’ve decided to give you a raise, effectively immediately.” Don’t hold your breath. No one wants to spend any more money than they have to. So, you’re going to have to ask for a raise. Here’s my advice on how to do this. First, do your homework on what you should expect in the way of compensation. Be sure to consult Internet salary websites, such as Salary.com or Salary Center on Monster.com.  In the U.S. women are paid 77 cents for every dollar men make.  If you set your sites on what men are paid and expect the same, you probably won’t be disappointed.  Don’t mention gender or need—keep the salary negotiation to what you bring to the business.

Make a list of your special skills and your accomplishments—especially recent ones.  Make an appointment with your boss to “talk about something of importance to you.”

And because I know this is a stressful time for you, I’ve included a script for you to have handy for a salary negotiation where your boss presents an obstacle.  Memorize it. You probably won’t have to recite it verbatim, but it will give you an extra boost of confidence to know you’ve got a script if you need it.

Tip: A Script for Stressful Times

I’m pleased to be working for this company, and I know the company is benefiting by my ___. (List 3 things, for example: client contacts, special project, marketing, etc.) I am looking for a salary of  __ dollars.

Now your boss presents an obstacle. (budget, timing, skills, etc.)

Have your individual X, Y, Z’s figured out ahead of time. Then, rather than dispute the obstacle, say,  “I understand your situation. The number I have in mind is X. The value I bring to the position is Y. And the benefit to the company will be Z.”

It’s up to you to read your boss, and at the same time, be fully confident you are deserving of this raise. If you truly believe you need to back down or accept a little less, set a time (3 mos., 6 mos.) when you can revisit this question about the salary you have in mind.

Further Reading:

See this related article on the WomensMedia site:
Gender Wage Gap: Are you paid as much as a man if he had your job?
by Evelyn Murphy with E.J. Graff

See our latest on Forbes

by Suzanne Doyle-Morris, PhD  (Read about her here.)

 

 Standard Podcast [6:37m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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As a woman in a male-dominated field, entertaining clients and building relationships through social contact are vital activities, though not always straightforward. For example, as an executive coach who specializes in working with professional women, I have yet to meet a woman who has the interest or time to take a client golfing, a long held networking tradition for men.

Women who want to develop relationships during office hours, through activities traditionally associated with male-dominated fields, such as drinking or at sporting events, are rare in my experience. Equally, women don’t tend to enjoy impromptu after-work drinks that go on late into the night. Most women can engage in after-work drinks now and again if given enough forewarning. However, impromptu get-togethers can be difficult for women with families, or even for women who just happen to value their own social lives and time away from work.

Maggie Berry, Director of womenintechnology.org, agrees. She indicated that, for her members, some of the key draws for her events were the focused attention on career development and the advance marketing that allowed women to plan to attend. She explained, “One of the comments I hear is that women can’t just spontaneously decide to go to the pub after work. They have different interests and responsibilities. If you know your team is going out on a Tuesday, you can plan around that. A woman can get the appropriate childcare and make transport arrangements ahead of time. Our members like to network, but like to set time aside specifically for it, rather than having to make themselves available all the time.”

If you avoid socializing completely, you will not be privy to political discussions, strengthening relationships or hearing about career opportunities that are almost always first discussed informally. Furthermore, you will send out the message that you are an outsider with no interest in becoming an insider. That being said, most women recognize that they need to make time to socialize with clients and colleagues on work trips or dinner out, which, while it has its obvious benefits, also has potential pitfalls. In addition to taking up what precious little time working women have, there is the danger of sending mixed messages to clients or colleagues—especially in settings where alcohol is involved.

This is a potential time to shine, as people promote those with whom they feel comfortable and who will make a good impression on their clients. Tread carefully, though, because if you get it wrong, you can backtrack your career considerably. Breakfast, lunch and coffee meetings are unlikely to be misconstrued, and have the additional advantage of being less likely to make you feel obliged to order alcohol with the meal. For example, you can invent a deadline back at the office if need be.

With dinner, you end the evening when you want to go home, which can be harder to negotiate your way out of if your dinner companions pressure you to stay. During the day, you can always say you have a meeting at the office, which is a more socially acceptable way of curtailing the evening than saying you just want to go home. So network please, but in a way that suits you, whether it be with groups that allow you to plan in advance or with meals at times that suit you. Just make sure you do it in a way that is respected, but can’t be misconstrued.

Be sure to visit our site, WomensMedia to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

Or on our website, WomensMedia you should read:

How to Succeed in a Male-Dominated Profession or

Business Women Can Play in the Boys’ Club or

Communicating With Men at Work .

For quick updates for Business Women you should follow NancyFClark on twitter here.

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Public Speaking For Business Women

by Suzanne Doyle-Morris (Read about her here.)

(Listen to it here.)

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Have you ever stayed up late or worked weekends on a report or project only to see the credit go to the person who presented it all? Well, that used to be me. I started to notice this tendency in college, and then in my first jobs and then again when I earned my Ph.D. at the University of Cambridge, looking at the experiences of women in male dominated fields. And eventually, rather than continue to be victimized, I realized I had to learn one of the key lessons that very successful women know (the lesson I want to talk to you about today) — and that is how to use public speaking to get ahead in your career.

While stereotypes abound about ‘the chatty woman,’ the truth is that it is mostly men who present at conferences, who chair meetings and who lead presentations. Nowhere is this more true than in fields that already suffer from a dearth of women. Speaking in public is one of the most common fears, and certainly one that can be debilitating to a burgeoning career. It can sound daunting initially, but you don’t have to start with speaking to an audience of thousands. In fact, most women begin to add public speaking to their careers by leading meetings and giving presentations.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

Or on our website, WomensMedia you should read:

Business Women Can Play in the Boys’ Club or Communicating With Men at Work

For quick updates for Business Women you should follow NancyFClark on twitter here.

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How To Cancel A Limiting Gender Stereotype

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, http://www.womensmedia.com/ to get Expert Advice for Business Women.

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Starting out in rocket science and computer technology, I was often the only woman in the room.

That’s another way of saying, the stereotype others had of me didn’t fit with the group, I was well aware of these assumptions.

I’ll bet you’ve had the feeling—at one time or another—that people have stuck a stereotype or label on you that made you out to be less than you are.

You may have felt like an outsider to their groups.

In their minds they could be thinking:

• She’s not important,
• She’s not educated,
• She’s not capable,
• She’s not assertive,
• it could even be, “Oh, she’s a mother.” and further questions might end right there.

You can see how this limits the opportunities a person is willing to offer you. In my Business Tip of the Week, I discuss how you can prepare ahead to cancel these negative, incorrect, stereotypes.

Listen to today’s podcast here.

Or on our website, WomensMedia, you may want to read What Keeps Women from Reaching the Top?

For quick business updates you should follow me on twitter here.

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Please see our updated article:  To Brag Or Not To Brag

Gender Pay Gap Is Real . . . Unfortunately

(Listen to it here.)

Be sure to visit our site, www.WomensMedia.com to get Expert Advice for Working Women.

Here are some of the questions about the gender pay gap that we’ve been receiving at WomensMedia. (N- add the numbers when posting)

If A Woman Chooses Full-Time Employment, Does She Earn The Same As A Man?

Do Women Earn Less Because They Work Less?

If A Woman Earns A College Degree, Does She Earn The Same As A Man With The Same Degree?

If A Woman Negotiates Her Salary, Will She Earn The Same As A Man?

If A Woman Moves Into A Typically Male Occupation, Does She Earn The Same As A Man?

You may be surprised to hear what research has shown.

Listen to Gender Pay Gap Is Real

Listen to The Gender Pay Gap Is Not OK